Three steps forward and 1 baby step back

The good news: Rosie will still be moving in with us as planned on 1/20.

The tiny bit of bad news: We won't meet Rosie until Tuesday, January 4th. There are a few good reasons for this, and I can't share them. The weather is a secondary factor as icy rain is predicted for most of the days we're supposed to be travelling.

All in all, I'm not too upset by the shift in dates since the ultimate end date stays the same. I'm more troubled by the pain Rosie has to go through.  So to lift my spirits I'm hijacking this blog with pictures that make me happy.

This is me and my sister as babies:

Me and my first friend, ever: David

U2 Show in Chicago

My favorite pirate and Minnie Mouse

The countdown is really on

Today we finish a preliminary appointment required to meet Rosie. Our parents and my aunt are attending today's session that will provide tips and tricks to caring for Rosie.

Beginning today, we're in the final seconds of the countdown. Today is the last day we can change our mind. Since we're not going to learn anything new about Rosie, a change of heart is unlikely.

Tomorrow, Rosie learns about us. Imagine that--being 10 and handed a picture of people who will be your parents.

Thursday we meet Rosie. This first meeting is a short one--probably 2 hours at most spent letting her show us her room.

Friday we all get a small break we all might need--especially Rosie who I would imagine would still be spinning from all of this.

Saturday we'll go back up to the foster home to have dinner with Rosie. We'll spend the night near there and return for breakfast Sunday.

I kind of wish I had created a construction paper chain to tear apart day by day. I'll have to be satisfied with the mental vision of the little rings ripping in half.

Introducing your parents

Rosie will meet us on Wednesday through this book. Merry Christmas, little one.

Click here to view this photo book larger

Our lives are made in these small hours

Another Christmas has passed.  The house was decorated. So were the cookies. A usual, we all had a great time, and time seemed to go too quickly. Some years I feel I can slow time a bit by sipping on a hot cup of cocoa and reflecting on that moment while enjoying the loved ones around me.

This year I enjoyed myself, but I didn't want to pause time, and Christmas moments got lost in my mind among all the thoughts of this Thursday's event. On Thursday the 30th we meet our daughter, Rosie, and for better or worse, all the twinkling lights, thoughtful gifts, and loved ones couldn't push  Rosie mind out my mind.

Now though, my nerves are staring to run laps in my stomach. I told Mike, meeting Rosie reminds me of telling his parents we were engaged.

There are a few similarities. First, his parents were learning they were gaining a daughter and had little control over that fact. Second, I was extremely worried about how they would react, and I wanted so badly for it to go well. I wanted to be accepted immediately and without pause.

Unlike Rosie, Mike's parents had the benefit of actually knowing me. Yet all familiarity flew away in this exchange. I figured even though they might like me as a girlfriend for their son they might not like me as much as their son's wife who will be a permanent guest at holiday events. I also assumed that in that in that moment, their eyes would, at least for a moment, reflect their emotional response to the news.

Mike's Injured Packer Cookie

I was thrilled. The engagement announcement went extremely well--better than I had hoped. I didn't see a flicker of disappointment or worry in either of my in-law's eyes, and Mike's mom hugged me immediately. To this day, it is probably one of my favorite memories.

Rosie, of course, is being faced with a very different reality since she knows nothing about us or if she can trust us, and I have no idea what to expect, which is why I'm extremely nervous and excited to embed that moment into my memory. There's a Rob Thomas song that captures my feelings--and how I will end this blog entry.

Tie a string around my finger

Last Tuesday I started experiencing what I can only call "mommy brain," which is a condition I didn't think I'd experience since I don't have hormones surging through my veins like pregnant moms.

First, I brought two left shoes to the gym for my 5 a.m. run. I nearly cried when I realized what I'd done because I knew I didn't have time to go home and get the correct shoes.  So the entire 4 a.m. wake-up was a waste. I walked out to the gym floor holding the two lefties tethered together by a shoe string looking pouty and defeated. The trainer and running classmate laughed as we stared at my big black winter boots that clearly wouldn't make good running or even walking shoes.(Picture Bender's boots from The Breakfast Club.)

On Thursday, I got to the gym at 5 a.m. with a left and a right shoe. I got in a decent workout, and after I showered and was toweling off realized my work clothes were sitting in the car. Thankfully, I wore my sweatpants and sweatshirt as a cover-up since my running clothes are not really winter appropriate. So I put my sweats back on, drove to work and used the locker rooms there to change into more work appropriate attire.

On top of clothing mishaps, I forgot my cell phone twice, and I was supposed to bring my sister cookie cutters and a mixer last Wednesday, which I forgot as well. So is this "mommy's brain" caused by my thoughts being consumed with thoughts and plans for Rosie?  Or is it a symptom of not being able to run for the past 3 weeks while I let my knee heal? Lack of endorphins do bad things to me. Or is it a combination of the those factors colliding with having to also prepare for Christmas? Who knows.

One thing is for sure, in one week from now we will have met Rosie. Maybe then my memory will start to come back? It's actually really bugging me as being organized, being planned for 5 years at a time is something I've found comforting--even if it's only so I can abruptly change those plans mid-way in.

The time line has also changed a bit. Rosie will move in the weekend of the 20th, which is when her quarter ends. This is actually a welcome change from Martin Luther King Day weekend because it gives us one more weekend to have her here for a sleepover.

DATES CONFIRMED!!!

And we'll meet our daughter in this order:

December 29th: Rosie gets our book from her social worker, and learns we are going to be her parents. How crazy is that?  The little girl I've been thinking about since July will be just hearing my name for the first time.

December 30th: We meet Rosie.

January 14/15: Rosie moves down with us.

A few wintery scenes for Rosie

Dear Rosie,

Today we were busy shoveling out. The show is so deep I'm pretty sure when you move in there will be plenty of us to create a snow fort with.

 Here I am in the backyard where snow was up to my knees or higher in most places.

 I thought this was a pretty shot of our alley. The thing I like about snow storms are how bright and peaceful everything seems afterward.

 Here's our garage, and you can see the plows have created snow banks that are easily 4 feet high.

 
My car is just covered in snow, especially in the front.

The only bummer was we were supposed to go bake cookies with your cousin, Abby, as well as your aunts, uncles and grandparents. Since they haven't plowed our street, we had to skip it. I love baking cookies, especially Christmas cookies. When you join our family we can make sugar cookies to frost and decorate together. I hope you can help!

Anyway, this is the most snow in one storm since I was nearly your age, and it was kind of fun. We hope you had fun, too.

Love,
Mom

Snow Day!

It's December 11th, but it sort of feels like December 24th. The weather has put a usually busy December weekend on hold. It takes a lot to slow us down, but a foot of blowing and drifting snow provides a little break from the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping.

Here's Eddie enjoying the winter storm:

Today as I shoveled I couldn't help but wonder what Rosie was up to. Time seems far more precious to me now than ever before--particularly its passing. Every moment we miss with Rosie makes me a little sad because it's a moment we won't get back. Although it seems depressing, it's actually been a welcome reminder of how precious my time is with all my friends and family. Plus, we will have a lot of special moments with our daughter.

If anything, this Christmas all those wistful songs written during WWII about soldiers pining for their homes just seem a little more real to me. Or heck, even one of my favorite songs "All I Want For Christmas Is You" has a different meaning--except, again, that's a love song for adults--but it's about wanting something other than the material things.

This week I organized one of the last happy hours I envision scheduling or possibly even attending for some time. It had a very nice turn out, and I learned two things:

1. Sawatdee has very good happy hour specials - $3 for most drinks and all appetizers are half off
2. Sawatdee has been struggling to fully pass its state health inspection, which a coworker kindly informed a friend and I as we ran into him after the happy hour. The poor friend eyed her takeout suspiciously while the coworker walked to his car oblivious.

Timing hasn't really changed, yet, and we're still waiting to hear whether the appointment on the 20th or 21st will happen. If it doesn't, then all dates could shift out again. We're hoping that doesn't happen. That's all we ask for Christmas, Santa, that all our dates work out and we're meeting our daughter the week of the 27th.

For Our Friends - Thanks

Last night we had our first adoption celebration, which is kind of like a baby shower, but no guess what's in the diaper games. 

Instead, we got to enjoy our friends, lots of great food, and start collecting kid basics like books and board games we can't wait to share with Rosie.  I'm going to compile the photos into an album for Rosie to show her most of the people who came together to celebrate her. 

Here are a few photos of all the wonderful people in our lives...all the wonderful people who supported us through the struggles of infertility into the joy we have now.   Of course, I didn't get shots of everyone either due to my less than stellar photo taking ability or people's general annoyance with having pictures taken. So if you're missing from below, you'll either be relieved or understand completely.

On a side note, there could be a new industry out there for adoption related cards, party ideas, etc.

Pre-Planning for New Years Resolutions

I am sure it's normal that all parents-to-be think of things their parents did they don't want to repeat. For me, for better or worse, I don't have that list. Not to sound all Salinger about it or anything, but my mom was practically a saint, she really was. My only real complaint is that she was probably a little too strict with me as a teenager--a 9 p.m. curfew until I was 17 was a bit much. Yet, an adult I think the boundaries were good. So, no, there was nothing about her parenting style I would change as I parent my own daughter. There was nothing crummy or phoney about her.  (ha, ha)

< = My Mom

In fact, she was motherly almost to her own detriment. So while I would love to be nearly as great a mom, what I will seek to change are my behaviors I don't want to pass on to my daughter.

As a result, I've put some thought into my New Years Resolution list cause I'm pretty sure as a mom I won't have time to think so much at least about myself if my mom taught me anything.

1. Be less critical of other women. All women are caddy. I would like my daughter not to think I am.
2. Gossip less.
3. Be more patient.
4. Continue to workout a minimum of three days a week.