Music in the car

So, while driving home with Rosie, we of course have the radio on.  Without thinking too much of the music, Amy suddenly reaches up and frantically mashes the station buttons.  A song by Buck Cherry with rather strong sexual content and very poor censoring was on.

Thankfully Rosie had her headphones on and was engrossed in her DS game.  Amy says it is WLTE for us!

Oh the things we have to watch for now.

Oh Child...

Tonight we ate at Pine City KFC for a change. Rosie ordered a meal and I said "with milk, right?"

"Chocolate milk," she said.

The cashier looked at me and said, "That will be an upcharge." I think he thought I was being a bossy mom. In reality Rosie doesn't like pop and I would like to encourage her drinking something like milk.

"What's an upcharge?" Rosie asked, brow furrowed.

"It means it costs a little more, but it's worth it." I answered.

"I am worth it" Rosie proudly said to the cashier. "They are adopting me." She added with even more pride as she linked her arms with ours.

There we stood, the Schultes linked arm-in-arm at KFC: all so happy to be there.

I was a little amused and somewhat saddened by a child who was so appreciative of such a small investment in her.

Mixed Cds

I'm not going to try to be a cool mom. I've never been cool, ever. It's never bothered me. That said, I am excited to have someone around to share music with even if my tastes aren't cool. So this weekend, when we don't get to see Rosie I'm putting together a mixed CD to mail her.

She likes country, hip-hop, and R&B. I wanted to make some of it music from my childhood that fits into those classifications. I also wanted a good number of strong female singers in it and some racial diversity without being cliche or cheesy. I also wanted it to include some music she might not have heard. I wanted to her figure out from this that I'm a dorky mom.

So here's what I decided to include. Let me know what you think. Did I do good? One thing is apparent, knowledge of pop culture has really decreased in the past 12-plus years.
 
Rolling in the Deep - Adele
Grenade - Bruno Mars
Jump - The Pointer Sisters
Free Your Mind - En Vogue (I debated on this one...but decided it was OK)
One Moment in Time - Whitney Houston
Here Comes the Sun - The Beatles
Motownphilly - Boyz II Men
Fallin' - Alicia Keys
On the Road Again - Willie Nelson (Cause we're always driving with her it seems)
We're Going to be Friends - White Stripes
Black Cat - Janet Jackson
Dreaming of You - Selena
The Rising - Bruce Springsteen
Keep it Loose, Keep it Tight - Amos Lee
Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z and Alicia Keys


I toyed with throwing a Justin Bieber song on there but decided against it thinking that implied I was trying too hard.

Fun with Paint!

With today off of work, I set myself to painting Rosie's bedroom today. As Amy probably alluded to in a previous post, Rosie chose pink. The selection was of course not terribly surprising; she is after all a 10 year old girl. I seriously considered invoking the fatherly veto power (I get that, right? or is that one of those urban myths?) to get her into a more dad-appealing green, blue, or even the wonderful (and labor-free) yellow the room was already painted.

While the room needs another coat of paint to even it out, I've attached "before" and "intermediate after" photos.

BeforeIntermediate After
(please ignore the whiteness in the middle from excessive flash reflection)

One last post...dates have shifted but for a great reason

Last week we learned Rosie has been making phenomenal progress in therapy. So much so, Mike and I decided it would be unwise to pull her away so quickly. Sure, we will let her continue seeing her therapist there once she moves here, but we didn't plan on going up twice a week, which is what she would need right now. Instead, we'll slow down the move-in date as we've been told that therapy progress ebbs and flows. Once she has everything off of her mind, she'll move down to her pink room.

Meeting the grandparents and great grandparents

We're slowly introducing Rosie to our friends and family. Of course, our parents are first in line. Per the advice of the experts we're keeping the meetings down to about 1 hour.

Saturday dinner with the Grandma and Granpa Schulte

They gave her a few coloring books, which pretty much absorbed her attention, but Grandma didn't mind watching on and helping from time to time.

Is it just me, or does Rosie look soo grown up? 

And the whole family.

Cupcakes and chocolate milk with Grandma Vicki and Great Grandma Templin

Four generations of Templin women.

The whole family.

Overwhelmed

Last Wednesday, my coworkers threw a shower for us, and I was overwhelmed by the generosity and number of people who choose to come.

Somehow the main organizers managed to escape a group photo, and they are interspersed throughout..except for Karen who was the photographer.

These pictures speak volumes for why I came back to Securian.

Me posing with the cake

The cake

A few of the amazing treats the group made me...

Renee, Heidi, Kelle, Patty

Even more cowrkers and friends

Another group of them. Many of the planners are in the back.

Wow..

WOW....

Ask me to lead a group of 30, ok, ask me to open presents in front of them and I suffer from stage fright. So's Melissa who's hiding behind the pink tissue paper.

Monica, Shirley and Michelle. Michelle was my first boss at Securian.

In the back conrner, you can see a majority of the organizers: Katerine, who's blocked, Bill, Paulette, Gina, Michele, Karen, and Kirsten. Not in this photo are Kevin, Melissa, Steve and Jon. (I feel like I'm making a speech at The Golden Globes and fearful I accidentally left someone out...).

Rosie's hair appointment and first pedicure

Lessons learned

OH my gosh, where to start.

Even though our new family member has no trouble sleeping through the night I am EXHAUSTED! I blame some of the fatigue on the general new feeling that is still hovering around us. Some moments it feels like we're babysitting, which forces me to feel "on" in that job interview way.

Lesson One: The other cause of the fatigue is how Rosie does constantly challenge us on just about everything. I mean everything--even putting on socks. I find myself staring into the eyes of a child and having to constantly think through my next move because she's really smart and picks up on any sign of inconsistency.

Lesson Two: Sounds cheesy, but bribes, incentives and positive reinforcements really work. This weekend we started a reward system where if Rosie did what we asked the first time we asked it, she got a sticker. Then we created daily goals. Today if she earned 7 stickers, we would play Guitar Hero, World Tour--which was decided by her.

If she failed to get 7, we would watch a movie instead. She earned her stickers. She seemed pleased with herself and life did seem a little easier sometimes thanks to those simple stickers. Plus, if she earns a specific number of stickers she can get a bigger reward of her choosing (within limits).

I worried that she would always expect to get a sticker for doing basic things, but my fears were short lived. Over time, I am guessing the reward system will fade away but the behavior will stay. Although, in training they never touched on that.

Lesson 3: Doubt is normal. At 4:30 this afternoon I was starting to panic that maybe this whole adoption was a mistake. Thoughts racing through my head included: "what did we do?" "I am not doing very good at this parenting stuff." "It's too late to get out now."

Lesson 4: Just six hours later, I'm feeling sad about her leaving tomorrow. What caused the change? My first parent lesson of the day: when I'm feeling worn out, Rosie is probably, too, and that's the best time to just head home. We got groceries, I made spaghetti while Rosie and Mike studied for her state capitol test, and we all seemed less stressed.

A Hallmark moments:
As we put Rosie to bed, I asked if we should all read a book. She said, "I want you to read me a story."  Brilliant! That's just what I meant. So I read a chapter of "Matilda" (her choice), with Mike sitting and listening while she fell asleep.

Congratulations, it's a Republican!!! wait, what?

One of the things I never thought about was how Rosie would react to the Barack Obama bobble head doll that currently sits on her dresser. I had planned on moving it into our room before Rosie moved in but had forgotten. We got the bobble Obama with our niece, Abby, at a Saint Paul Saints' game during the election year.

Abby, who then was 5, I think--time flies--LOVED the bobble head and was so proud to ask for it over the John McCain version. So I assumed Rosie would love the doll as well. I was wrong.

Her exact reaction was, "That's Barack Obama. He's horrible."

I was nothing but stunned for about five seconds until I found my words and said, "Well, we like him a lot." Then she was distracted with something else, and the moment passed.

So this isn't a blog about my political leanings or Rosie's. Nope, it's just another thing I hadn't thought about. In training they tell you about children having faith or religious leanings but not political ones.

She can dislike Obama, and we'll continue to respect him. My hope is we will teach her to at least listen to people who have a different opinion from hers even if she doesn't agree. Well, that, and she should hear all sides before really forming and opinion.

Soo eerily quiet

The house seems quiet and rather sad without Rosie here tonight. We both kind of miss her.

I thought of another Rosie moment today. We were in Target and after the cashier noted that th ering and necklace Rosie picked out were really sparkly, Rosie said, "these people are going to adopt me!"

And the cashier said, "Really? I was adopted when I was 5."

How neat a coincidence is that?  We also had a very lovely family shower Saturday. I didn't get any pictures myself, but my Aunt will be sending me some soon, and then I'll blog.

A few pictures

Rosie saying, "Mike, stop taking my photo"

Eddie trying to understand a hula-hoop

Rosie helping scramble eggs and says, really, no more pictures, people.

TV Time

Things an adopted child wants and says

Scene: An exchange that has occured twice in five days and one that will surely happen again.
R: Can I get a puppy?
Us: No
R: Can I get a kitten?
Us: No
R: Can I get a fish?
Us: Nope, we have to get used to eachother first

Scene: One and a half hours into a car ride ending in Rosie's first sleepover in her adopted parent's home.
R: Mike, do you know how many states of water there are?
Mike: Yes
Mike: There are 3 states
R: Yes! But can you name them?
Mike: Are you testing me?
R: Yess...
Mike: names states Amy tuned out, but turns out some other things have 4 states

Scene: Breakfast at a cherry oak oval table draped in a green paisley table cloth. A husband and wife sit with their daughter, a 10-year-old they met only 4 days before.  Daughter is happily munching on her second cinnamon roll while dipping her scrambled eggs and sausage in syrup. Her curly brown hair is wild and a little kinky after a solid night's sleep.
Daughter: We have to get dressed before we have breakfast at the foster home.
Wife: Well, on weekdays, we do, too. But on Sunday we relax and have breakfast in our jammies.
Daughter is quiet and seems to contemplate this thought as she takes a bite of sausage.
Daughter, Smiling: You guys are ready to be parents.
Husband: Thanks
Wife and Husband: Exchange smiles, what a wonderful stamp of approval so easily gained.

Scene: Nearly to foster parent's house. The scenery passing outside the car windows has changed from crowded city streets to suburbs lined with malls to snow as far as the eye can see spotted with cows chewing on dinner of hay.
R, voice carrying a bit of trepidation: Was I a handful this weekend?
Amy, her heart breaking a little that R has to know the pain of rejection so early: Not at all. You were perfect.
R: Oh, did I do a good job at listening?
Amy: Sometimes it took you three times before you really listened. We'll work on that, but you were fine to handle.
R: Three times?
Amy: Yep, we'll work on that.
R: OK
Amy: Ok

Our last Friday night without Rosie in the house

Going through infertility and accepting it means mourning the firsts: your child's first Christmas, their first baby tooth, their first lost baby tooth, and their first word. All those firsts at one time seemed like little joys I wouldn't ever experience. It made me sad, but I got over it. Then low and behold, we get our own set of firsts that are just as touching and amazing.

Today we're getting ready for our first sleepover with Rosie. The house had to be cleaned. Mike's locking down access to the Internet on all of our gadgets: the Wii, the PS3 and our upstairs computer. Of course, there is a lot of stuff I didn't have time or energy to get to, but that's usually how life goes.

Rosie has asked to go ice skating, but we'll have to see if there's time. Mike and I are both feeling weary from all the driving to and from Pine City--and it's only been one week! Thankfully, the transition is just 3 more weeks and then there will be so many first: her first day at school in Minneapolis, our first family dinner after a busy day, her first time doing homework here, and her first time meeting all of our friends and family.

One last note about blog access

I've added everyone who has emailed me to request access--unfortunately to add people, I need to secure the blog for a short while. It's not secured now, so if you're reading this but haven't received an invite from Silver Girl (aka me--it's a Simon and Garfunkel reference) but would like to continue reading this, send me an email: aschulte78@gmail.com.

Day 3 - Dinner at Mickey Ds with Justin Bieber with a theme of reassurance

Not even four hours into parenthood, we got to learn what Justin Bieber sounds like. Not surprisingly, Mike really doesn't like it. I don't, either. It's not really too different from New Kids, though. (A coworker pointed that out, and she was right.) Is this is someone paying me back for making my mom listen to this song?



We also started to learn who Selena Gomez is and that McDonald's is a really big treat for a 10-year-old. Like, huge.

At dinner, Rosie munched happily on Big Macs, yes, plural. We ordered her a meal, and after finishing the sandwich said, "I'm really not into fries, can I have another sandwich?" We were a little doubtful she'd finish it, but we got her a second one--no pickle--because she hates pickles.  Mike teased as he ordered "do you mean extra pickles?" and she said "no" and then he said, "are you sure you don't want ketchup?" and she looked at him, with her beautiful, dark eyes and said, "Please don't push my buttons about this."

I wish I could convey her tone in writing. She didn't sound rude just assertive--surprisingly so for a young kid. I stifled a giggle as Mike explained he was teasing. In our family she'll get used to this. To be teased is to be loved. :-)
As the night progressed she asked us lots of questions, but her main concern is around what adoption means. She feels very insecure about what happens if we "can't handle her." So we reassured her that it's our job to "handle her" and that this is permanent. There's no going back. She looked down at her hands for a moment, then looked up at me and quietly said, "I'm really happy to have a family that wants me." I said, "we're very happy to have a daughter."

She smiled. We all smiled. After that, she discovered Mike cell phone had video games and the Internet, and her attention shifted. That was OK, too. She's taking a lot in and needs her breaks.

Day 2 - We meet Rosie

Tuesday, as I got out of the car Rosie burst out of the door, shouted "Amy!" and ran back in. As we approached the door, I could hear her and her foster sister scream with excitement. The screams made me laugh a little, calmed my nerves that had become so on edge I nearly puked as we pulled into the driveway.

The second we were in the door Rosie was bursting out of her seams with excitement. She had to show us everything at once: her room, her recorder playing skills, her Dance Dance Revolution (DDR) moves, and the Sorry Slide game she got for Christmas.

She brought out our book and walked us through it, proudly reciting our wedding anniversary, birth years, and ages. She told me she LOVED to bake and Mike she LOVED to read. Then she turned to my running picture and said "This is going to be a problem." I laughed and told her she didn't have to run with me. She clarified that she doesn't like being hot.

She was excited to learn Mike was a scientist because that is the subject she has an A+ in. All other subjects she is getting an A.  We were only there for about two hours, and they sped by.
I know this is just a little bit of newly formed parental pride, but I think she's really talented, gorgeous and smart! I feel so blessed she's part of our life.

Day 1 - Rosie Learns About Us

From our social worker the night after she tells Rosie about us:

"Wanted to inform you that Rosie responded oh so ecstatically about her new family! She guessed that I had found her a family, screamed; then took a minute in her room to scream into her pillow.....SO APPROPRIATE!  Her first question was "when do I get to meet them?"  She initially indicated that she was nothing but excited, but once I gave her the "okay" to be nervous she quickly informed Marcy she was nervous and got a big hug.  According to Rosie, you Amy, are "sooooo pretty!"  She's pleased you guys used to work at McDonald's because we always eat there and loved the fact that you had been so many cool places. She's considerably excited about the animals and the walks to the park as well!  She definitely is struggling a bit with understanding what this means (despite the fact that it has been explained to her; that's my job!).  She curious if she can stay with you for a couple of months so you guys can "figure out if they can handle me."  I reminded her that your minds changing is not an option.  She also thought that September would be a good move in date (I have no idea where this came from.) I held off on giving her the calendar because I fear she may get overwhelmed. I will gauge this tomorrow as well, but for now just told her to think about things one day at a time."

Sorry all...but to add you, I need your email address

I think this is an oversight on the part of blogger.com. If I change this blog to be readable by only people I choose, it asks me to invite those people through my gmail address book. The problem there is that I might not have the email address of everyone who is following me, even publicly. That doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

So, can you email me your email address if we haven't emailed via gmail before? (Coworker friends, that's mostly you guys...)  aschulte78@gmail.com

Thanks,
Amy

Love at first sight

I'm a little too tired to describe how wonderful today's meeting really was. This was probably the most nervous I've ever been meeting someone, and it took a toll on my sleep, my ability to concentrate, and even my ability to relax.  Now that the meeting is over, and I am pretty much in love with this little girl, I feel a huge weight off my shoulders.

Of course, there will be hard times, and of course I will be challenged in everything, but the gut reaction I got today made me feel 100% certain in our decision even though the road ahead is filled with uncertainty.

So here are some pics. I'm shutting off the computer and zoning out.

Rosie took this one, or I'd have left it out...you can see how much Mike loves photos.

Once real Rosie stories begin..

Once I begin having pictures and stories of Rosie to share, I'll be moving this blog to a private setting--where only those who request access will be able to view it. If you're one of those, let me know--shoot me an email or something, and I'll get you access. If you're already following me publicly, you'll automatically have access--regardless of whether or not you want it.

That is my most capable-looking outift!

Warning--this is a little more girly a post. So what does someone wear to meet their child? At work I usually try to dress to match the groups I'm meeting with. Some days that's a suit. Most days, it's a little less formal.

What I wear definitely conveys a message about me, so what do I want to convey as mom? I'm thinking nice dark jeans and a sweater. (Not these jeans...but I sadly remember my mom wearing them.) That way I seem grown up and capable but accessible. It's what I would wear on most weekends, too. Consistency is good.

On the long car ride home from work today I decided I would wear make-up but not lipstick or nail polish. I only wear lipstick on special occasions. It makes me self conscious because I worry about it getting on my teeth or wearing off, and I never want to lose concentration in a meeting at work over something that stupid. Plus, it usually dries my lips out. No thanks, just give me some tinted lip gloss, and I'm a happy camper. I just lack lipstick finesse. Rosie will need to learn that elsewhere.

On second thought, I might wear nail polish. She's a girly girl, supposedly so maybe seeing me a little more dolled up might be good? Like a little bit of a glossy good faith offering? If I can manicure myself, perhaps it would convey that I would help her?

On top of thinking through my attire, I also thought through what I will be carrying. I baked her some chocolate chip, M&M cookies, tonight because I learned she loves anything chocolate ('atta girl!). Plus, nothing like some freshly baked, buttery cookies as a little bribe...

We will also bring her the quilt and pillow case my aunt made for her so she has something she can bring from the foster home here on the next couple of weekends and when she moves in. Again, consistency is good.

Right now, I'm just anxiously waiting for the social worker to email and say how tonight went. Right now, Rosie should have our book and know we're coming tomorrow. I hope the social worker emails soon because the longer it takes her the more I start to imagine the worse.

No detail too small

Everything is starting to fall into place:

• Rosie's room is cleaned and completely ready for her to see and help us decorate.
• Any movies that seem inappropriate for a 10-year-old have been moved upstairs. That way she can freely choose a movie from the case to watch.
• The Christmas decorations are all put away, and the rest of the house feels more roomy and ready for a kid.
• We have started a list of rules, as suggested by a therapist--what a trip--the only rules in my house were do what mom tells you and don't do something that will make mom mad. Rosie won't have those assumptions or expectations built-in, so we need to set them.
• We have started schedules for her for weekdays, Saturday and Sunday. All we need to do know is write them out on some laminated poster board--like a white board.
• We have figured out how our reward system will generally work but will need to buy some beads and stickers.
• Tomorrow Rosie finds out about us.
• Tuesday we'll drive up there to meet her.

It's really all happening.