For fun, I put it next to the photo on the right we took in February. I actually think she looks younger now.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Fifth grade begins
Today Rosie began 5th grade, and after much begging, pleading and some good ol' fashioned Lutheran motherly guilt, Rose agreed to taking the picture on the left.
For fun, I put it next to the photo on the right we took in February. I actually think she looks younger now.
For fun, I put it next to the photo on the right we took in February. I actually think she looks younger now.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Baptism
Today Rose was baptised in Mike's family church: Guardian Angels of Chaska, MN.
It went extremely well except for one little hiccup. Rose got to take communion in a church when in foster care. I had meant to let her know about the Catholic tradition of First Communion. I didn't get a chance. So she eagerly jumped in line to take communion and the priest blessed her but withheld the host. She returned to the pew dejected and upset.
Thankfully, she got over it. So much so, she's excited to take the necessary classes to be entitled to take communion again.
It went extremely well except for one little hiccup. Rose got to take communion in a church when in foster care. I had meant to let her know about the Catholic tradition of First Communion. I didn't get a chance. So she eagerly jumped in line to take communion and the priest blessed her but withheld the host. She returned to the pew dejected and upset.
Thankfully, she got over it. So much so, she's excited to take the necessary classes to be entitled to take communion again.
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| Father Thomas Joseph and Rose |
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| Godparents and parents |
Friday, August 26, 2011
Drama
Today, after lunch, Rose asked me "how I was going to handle the teenage years."
When I asked her to clarify, she said, "you know, all the drama."
Of course, we had just finished a drama-filled lunch where Rose pouted about eating on a patio. So what I wanted to say was, "if I can handle this age, teen drama won't phase me."
Instead I assured her I could handle it without the color commentary.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Alienation
While at the AmericInn with Rose, she played in the pool and stared at the kids who had siblings to play with. I know, I'm a blast to play with, you might be thinking. I did get in the pool for quite some time Saturday night--doing much better than a few of the other moms who sat on the sidelines. Yet, as I watched Rose's envy and sensed her longing for her own playmate, guilt overpowered my awesome playing skills.
When I got home and told Mike the story, he said Rose had asked him for a sibling recently. She even asked, "haven't you always wanted a son?" He told her no. Yet, the idea hasn't left my head. Now that things are calming down, it seems more manageable to throw another family member into the mix. Maybe. Maybe after one full year with Rose I could say that more seriously.
The problem is what age and gender of kid do we get? If the kid is too little, Rose will try to mother them, which would probably lead to arguments between us and her as we continue to force her to be a kid herself. If the kid is a boy, they couldn't share a room, and we don't have a very big house. If it's a girl too near her own age, there's no guarantee they'll get along. Heck, I had a sister and we were more like competitive boxers than siblings. Although, I guess we did play together when we didn't have friends around even if we made each other miserable in the process.
Her bio. brother seems the best fit, but at the same time the state has legally separated them for good reason, and I don't think we can reverse that decision. So that leads me back to thinking nope, one kid is probably the best bet. It just means I need to work that much harder to pull myself off lounge chairs at pools and summon energy to play games until her bedtime. Really, isn't that what we became parents to do? Yes. Yes, we did. I just didn't realize how tiring parenting would be and how lovely lounging beside a pool could be.
In addition, I rationalize, life is lonely. I don't want to teach her that "the hard way" because I think she's all too aware of the harsh side of life. Yet, there will be time when she feels alone: when she's moved into college and hasn't found her group of friends, when all her friends are married and she's not, when her sig. other has to work nights when she works days, or even when she has to change jobs. Let's face it, there are a lot of times in life when you aren't supposed to feel lonely but are. So helping her find the friend within herself will come in handy--just so long as she doesn't start talking to herself in random places for entertainment.
When I got home and told Mike the story, he said Rose had asked him for a sibling recently. She even asked, "haven't you always wanted a son?" He told her no. Yet, the idea hasn't left my head. Now that things are calming down, it seems more manageable to throw another family member into the mix. Maybe. Maybe after one full year with Rose I could say that more seriously.
The problem is what age and gender of kid do we get? If the kid is too little, Rose will try to mother them, which would probably lead to arguments between us and her as we continue to force her to be a kid herself. If the kid is a boy, they couldn't share a room, and we don't have a very big house. If it's a girl too near her own age, there's no guarantee they'll get along. Heck, I had a sister and we were more like competitive boxers than siblings. Although, I guess we did play together when we didn't have friends around even if we made each other miserable in the process.
Her bio. brother seems the best fit, but at the same time the state has legally separated them for good reason, and I don't think we can reverse that decision. So that leads me back to thinking nope, one kid is probably the best bet. It just means I need to work that much harder to pull myself off lounge chairs at pools and summon energy to play games until her bedtime. Really, isn't that what we became parents to do? Yes. Yes, we did. I just didn't realize how tiring parenting would be and how lovely lounging beside a pool could be.
In addition, I rationalize, life is lonely. I don't want to teach her that "the hard way" because I think she's all too aware of the harsh side of life. Yet, there will be time when she feels alone: when she's moved into college and hasn't found her group of friends, when all her friends are married and she's not, when her sig. other has to work nights when she works days, or even when she has to change jobs. Let's face it, there are a lot of times in life when you aren't supposed to feel lonely but are. So helping her find the friend within herself will come in handy--just so long as she doesn't start talking to herself in random places for entertainment.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Hitting our stride
Where, on Earth, has this summer gone? Here it is one week until school starts, already. That means Rose is at Character Camp this week. She and I journeyed to Park Rapids alone Saturday and spent the night in the AmericInn that came with a pool.
Rose had to be to camp at noon Sunday, and I figured it would be more relaxing for us both to not head up at 8 a.m. Sunday morning. She was excited by the idea of a night at a hotel with a pool, and I was trying to keep my excitement of having a mom/daughter trip at bay--recalling the thud of fallen expectations in South Dakota. Unlike every other milestone, I wasn't apprehensive or anxious about this trip.
We hit the road around noon Saturday and drove pretty much straight to Park Rapids. A cute little town. Once we checked in, we ordered pizza and painted our nails. First, though, she got sucked into one of these pre teen dramas on Nickoldeon. Dramas that portray young girls as petty, mean, back stabbing characters unworthy of TV time or my daughter's attention.
When I asked her to choose a program we could watch together, even suggesting a movie she was watching in the car on the way up, she ignored me. So I went into the other room (yes, I splurged for a suite with a pull out bed...only because if she has a melt down day separate rooms for us is in our best interests). Ms. Doubtfire was on, and I began began watching.
After ten minutes, Rose came in and sheepishly asked what I was doing and asked if she could join me. Then she apologized for ignoring me and said she just got sucked into her program. I accepted the apology and the rest of the trip went on without incident. This is the Rose we returned home to. It's almost unbelievable.
I think the change has as much to do with Mike and I mellowing as it does her settling into our family. We've all hit the equivalent of our family stride. For me, when I run, I know I've hit a good stride when breathing becomes effortless and perfectly timed with each step. I can even breathe with my nose, not with my mouth hanging open awkwardly struggling to suck in air at every moment. I find with parenting, I am suddenly more patient and have an inner calm that just wasn't there before. It's almost effortless.
Since Sunday was a long 5-hour car ride on top of a poor night's sleep, I decided to take Monday as a small mental health day. I work tomorrow and Wednesday I drive back up to Park Rapids to get Rose home and ready for school and her baptism.
Rose had to be to camp at noon Sunday, and I figured it would be more relaxing for us both to not head up at 8 a.m. Sunday morning. She was excited by the idea of a night at a hotel with a pool, and I was trying to keep my excitement of having a mom/daughter trip at bay--recalling the thud of fallen expectations in South Dakota. Unlike every other milestone, I wasn't apprehensive or anxious about this trip.
We hit the road around noon Saturday and drove pretty much straight to Park Rapids. A cute little town. Once we checked in, we ordered pizza and painted our nails. First, though, she got sucked into one of these pre teen dramas on Nickoldeon. Dramas that portray young girls as petty, mean, back stabbing characters unworthy of TV time or my daughter's attention.
When I asked her to choose a program we could watch together, even suggesting a movie she was watching in the car on the way up, she ignored me. So I went into the other room (yes, I splurged for a suite with a pull out bed...only because if she has a melt down day separate rooms for us is in our best interests). Ms. Doubtfire was on, and I began began watching.
After ten minutes, Rose came in and sheepishly asked what I was doing and asked if she could join me. Then she apologized for ignoring me and said she just got sucked into her program. I accepted the apology and the rest of the trip went on without incident. This is the Rose we returned home to. It's almost unbelievable.
I think the change has as much to do with Mike and I mellowing as it does her settling into our family. We've all hit the equivalent of our family stride. For me, when I run, I know I've hit a good stride when breathing becomes effortless and perfectly timed with each step. I can even breathe with my nose, not with my mouth hanging open awkwardly struggling to suck in air at every moment. I find with parenting, I am suddenly more patient and have an inner calm that just wasn't there before. It's almost effortless.
Since Sunday was a long 5-hour car ride on top of a poor night's sleep, I decided to take Monday as a small mental health day. I work tomorrow and Wednesday I drive back up to Park Rapids to get Rose home and ready for school and her baptism.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Teaching a kid how to be a kid
Sunday I let Rose know she could have some of the orange soda she had leftover from the previous day with lunch. Instead of "cool" or even a smile, she gave me a look that screamed guilt.
"Yea, about that. I have something to tell you," she said. "I got up this morning and drank it."
We were pretty calm about it, and at lunch I found myself giving Rose a few tips on getting away with stuff. I told her, when I was your age, I would probably have been tempted to do the same thing, I said. Except I would have taken a few sips knowing my mom wouldn't notice a few missing sips, but she would miss a whole missing bottle. Granted, I said, it's not good to lie or deceive I said. She eyed me suspiciously.
Why teach Rose how to get away with things? Well, because in many ways she's not a kid. She's either three or she's so intent on being right she won't even let herself get away with anything. I think getting away with things, or at least thinking you are, is an important part of being a kid. So we'll see if the plan back fires.
"Yea, about that. I have something to tell you," she said. "I got up this morning and drank it."
We were pretty calm about it, and at lunch I found myself giving Rose a few tips on getting away with stuff. I told her, when I was your age, I would probably have been tempted to do the same thing, I said. Except I would have taken a few sips knowing my mom wouldn't notice a few missing sips, but she would miss a whole missing bottle. Granted, I said, it's not good to lie or deceive I said. She eyed me suspiciously.
Why teach Rose how to get away with things? Well, because in many ways she's not a kid. She's either three or she's so intent on being right she won't even let herself get away with anything. I think getting away with things, or at least thinking you are, is an important part of being a kid. So we'll see if the plan back fires.
The calm after the storm
It seems after particularly defiant nights, once the storm of her and my passions colliding have subsided, we enter into a period of tranquility.
In those moments of quiet, I've been able to reach into Rose's inner mind, only briefly. I am able to tap into a more rational frame of mind out of no where and provide an explanation for my frustration she understands.
Since our return from our 10-year anniversary in California, everything has toned down a notch. She doesn't escalate like she used to. Neither do we.
Random and wonderful.
In those moments of quiet, I've been able to reach into Rose's inner mind, only briefly. I am able to tap into a more rational frame of mind out of no where and provide an explanation for my frustration she understands.
Since our return from our 10-year anniversary in California, everything has toned down a notch. She doesn't escalate like she used to. Neither do we.
Random and wonderful.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Aging faster than ever
If I thought watching my friend's and coworker's children grow-up made time fly, turns out having a kid of my own increases that speed of flight. Now my summer seems to be no more than a step instead of a stride when I have to pay attention to back to school sales and after school daycare enrollment forms.
On a technical rant: Every single school and daycare form asks for emergency contacts. Every single one. Couldn't they consolidate the redundant questions? Make the forms online and fillable so once you add an emergency contact it auto populates all emergency contacts on all forms? I know, school budgets, blah, blah blah. Really, I'm not complaining. I've waited 8 years for this honor, my background working on just such an online forms system is irrelevant.
On a technical rant: Every single school and daycare form asks for emergency contacts. Every single one. Couldn't they consolidate the redundant questions? Make the forms online and fillable so once you add an emergency contact it auto populates all emergency contacts on all forms? I know, school budgets, blah, blah blah. Really, I'm not complaining. I've waited 8 years for this honor, my background working on just such an online forms system is irrelevant.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
The flip side
I'm back at work, which helps put the world in more balanced perspective. So now some of the great moments that keep us going.
Adoption Day - July 19, 2011
What a great day. I don't know if I can describe the feeling I had that day. It reminded me of my wedding day: lots of excitement, a lot of nervousness, the relief it was finally happening after lots of planning. A few family members were there to celebrate with us.
When the judge brought out Rosie's file, which looked more like 5 Minneapolis phone books stacked one on top the other, Rosie proudly proclaimed, "I have more files that that." She also boldly asked if she could wear his robe, which he didn't allow, but he did let her sit in his chair and bang his gavel. She took the honor very seriously at first.
Rosie's face says it all in these pictures. She was adorable, the court proceedings went perfectly and then it was over. Enjoy!
Adoption Day - July 19, 2011
What a great day. I don't know if I can describe the feeling I had that day. It reminded me of my wedding day: lots of excitement, a lot of nervousness, the relief it was finally happening after lots of planning. A few family members were there to celebrate with us.
When the judge brought out Rosie's file, which looked more like 5 Minneapolis phone books stacked one on top the other, Rosie proudly proclaimed, "I have more files that that." She also boldly asked if she could wear his robe, which he didn't allow, but he did let her sit in his chair and bang his gavel. She took the honor very seriously at first.
Rosie's face says it all in these pictures. She was adorable, the court proceedings went perfectly and then it was over. Enjoy!
Pre-adoption
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| Rosie's village of people. |
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| Honorable Judge Jay Carlson |
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| Post adoption |
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| Getting the birth certificate reissued in Rosie's new formal name: Rose Oree Schulte |
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| Uncle Brian and Uncle Al made the drive up. Thanks, guys! |
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| So did Grandma Vicki and Great Aunt Debbie |
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