Progress?!?

Friday, Rose grew 6 years and then back 3.

Before I continue, I must go backward, again. When Rose moved in she pretty much flat out refused to get dressed, pick out her own clothes, do her own hair, change her underwear or put on pajamas. We had to cajole, bribe and yell to gain compliance. It, was, horrific.

Thanks to multiple reward systems, Rose started dressing herself. Then she started picking out her own clothes. When the stickers and points started piling up she put herself into jammies no matter how angry she was. She showered no matter how tired. (Behold the power of stickers.)

The only ritual remaining was us helping with her hair. Each morning she'd wake up and if she dressed by 7:10 a.m. we would wet her hair, apply product and comb it. We'd chat while all this happened. It provided a fun bonding and nurturing moment, one I figured Rose needed. Plus, she loved the time, and it motivated much more successful mornings.

Last Friday, Rose was getting ready for a family trip to Brueggar's before school. I went into the bathroom asking if she needed help, and she excitedly said, "Mom! I figured out how to do my hair myself, with product, and it's FASTER!" "oh, yea," I said, the doubt creeping into my mommy vocal cords faster then I could stomp it away.

"Yea" she said and she explained the truly rock solid method she'd figured out. So I nodded in shocked, deer in head light shock, approval before she ushered me out of the bathroom. I walked the three or four feet into our TV room where I got a little weepy as I re-told the story to Mike.

He tried to make me feel better by saying we knew Rose would want help tomorrow. I tried to let his words console me but couldn't help feeling a little in awe at how far she'd come. I also realized how I really liked some of her more developmentally delayed behavior. I sighed, pushed away the desire to have a baby and smiled.

Of course two hours later when I had to tell her to take the strange piece of metal out of her mouth. I pretended to be annoyed by scolding her, but really, it made me smile a little inside. Seriously, that girl's obsession with putting odd things into her mouth would fascinate Freud.

Garden day, take two

Last year I attempted to let Rose plant her own garden, and it didn't go well. This year, she listened, she loved it, and has her own bit of earth.

She even wanted to help me plant the other half of the boulevard despite the
mist.

The power of youth

After almost fifteen years together I haven't been able to influence Mike's dress. Rose has been here a little over a year and convinced Mike to buy this green shirt by simply saying, "you've gotta push your fashion, dad" best part is how proud he looks.

Mothers Day 2012

I'm still trying to process Mothers Day. It doesn't feel natural to me, yet. I don't feel like a mom. I tried to figure out why not. I do all the things moms do. Even though I didn't carry, deliver or nurse Rose I invest just as much emotion and energy into her being.

I will need time to process this, but I think the reason I don't feel like a mom is because Rose can't share with me like I used to with my mom. Rose has good reasons of course. She was burned by adults and has no reason to trust anyone. At the same time, until she can confide in me, I don't feel like her mom. I feel like the kind woman who's giving her a place to stay. She's still my daughter, but not in the way I'd expected to have a daughter.

As a result, Mothers Day isn't really a sweet day, a more so bitter sweet day. I love honoring my my mom, grandma and aunt. I hate the full day reminder of the loss of mother/daughter role I'd wanted for years.Rose is a very important part of my life, my only daughter, but I hope some day we share a more strong bond.

Here's a picture of all the strong, beautiful women who made me, me.

First parenting win

Last week, Easter candy was suddenly going missing overnight. Wrappers and sticky globs of chewed bubble gum were winding up in trash cans unexpectedly. Chocolate bunnies were abducted without a trace of their whereabouts. Clearly, kiddo'd decided she needed to dig into the stash of candy.

Rose denied her involvement as convincingly as a mobster protecting their boss.  My eyebrow raised, and I said, "Well, Dad and I didn't do it. The dogs didn't do it. You didn't do it. So we must have a ghost who likes candy. Since I'm scared of ghosts, we're not going to have candy or treats in the house any more."

Two nights passed where Rosed asked for candy or treast after dinner. I repeated the silly ghost reasoning. The third morning, Rose emerged from her room holding some of the vacationing candy. I don't have the bunnies, though, I brought those to school, she said.

I was on cloud nine the whole day. The crazy scheme I'd concocted on the fly actually worked. She came clean about what she'd done. She later admitted to also taking a box of crackers to school as well. She got mad when we informed her there'd still be a consequence. That turned itself into a learning opportunity. Just because you tell the truth about misgivings doesn't mean you don't have consequences. It usually means the consequences aren't as severe.

So we have one blue ribbon on the parenting mantlepiece. Plus, this post is a nice segway into posting a few pics from Easter 2012.