Our interview with Rosie's county caseworker is on Wednesday, the 13th. Hopefully the number 13 will prove to be lucky for us.
People have asked if we're excited and seem a little shocked when I say we're not. However, the last interview we had was in July. We were excited then. We were excited until months passed and nothing happened. Sure, we hope it results in more interviews and a child., yet we need to protect ourselves from the let down of months of waiting for yet another layer of red tape to be removed.
It's really just a preventative measure for us. We will save excitement when we're through this interview, the next interview, and have decided to be the parent of this child.
Again I'm reminded of buying a house. If you're looking for a new house you don't walk into every single one excited that it will be yours. Often, it's not. You save your excitement for after you've viewed the house, and you've placed an offer.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Defining Normal
Yesterday at the Mall of America I was waiting to use the restroom behind a mom and her four-year-old son. The little boy must have been bored because he shoved his hand into his pants, pulled his penis out and proceded to play with it for a few seconds before putting it back in his pants.
Normal? Nope.
I looked at the mom, who was oblivious to her son's, um playing, because she was engrossed in conversation with another mom. The boy proceeded to repeat the above situation a few times. I tried to keep my eyes away, but it was kind of like a car crash. I don't want to look, but I couldn't help it, and I really wanted to to see how long it would take for his mom to notice the behavior.
I wasn't the only one, a few other women were chuckling in line.
She never did. He did notice me looking. So I tried to look away, but out of the corner of my eye I noticed his smiling at me as he pulled it back out and started to play with it while smiling at me. I decided I could hold it and left the bathroom.
This creepy little story brings me to my newest thought on adoption and parenting. As we approach our second interview about Rosie, I've started thinking about what is "normal" for us. How if we were adopting a baby we could define "normal" routines as parents with the baby being unaware of changes. Routines like housecleaning Saturday morning, having Sunday breakfast, etc., that right now we don't really adhere to because it's just us.
With a 9-year-old or any older child, I think we'll obviously incorporate some of her feedback into these plans. Yet, not too much because in my mind, it will be my job to provide structure, and what kid really wants to clean the house?
So what happens if the routines intended to make people feel "normal" don't work out as planned. If we keep having to change them, a 9-year-old would notice. Change is normal, but will our tweaks communicate weakness to a child who really needs strength? I wonder, but I'm not worried. I'm too easy going to ever raise a child who frets over mom not being type a.
Normal? Nope.
I looked at the mom, who was oblivious to her son's, um playing, because she was engrossed in conversation with another mom. The boy proceeded to repeat the above situation a few times. I tried to keep my eyes away, but it was kind of like a car crash. I don't want to look, but I couldn't help it, and I really wanted to to see how long it would take for his mom to notice the behavior.
I wasn't the only one, a few other women were chuckling in line.
She never did. He did notice me looking. So I tried to look away, but out of the corner of my eye I noticed his smiling at me as he pulled it back out and started to play with it while smiling at me. I decided I could hold it and left the bathroom.
This creepy little story brings me to my newest thought on adoption and parenting. As we approach our second interview about Rosie, I've started thinking about what is "normal" for us. How if we were adopting a baby we could define "normal" routines as parents with the baby being unaware of changes. Routines like housecleaning Saturday morning, having Sunday breakfast, etc., that right now we don't really adhere to because it's just us.
With a 9-year-old or any older child, I think we'll obviously incorporate some of her feedback into these plans. Yet, not too much because in my mind, it will be my job to provide structure, and what kid really wants to clean the house?
So what happens if the routines intended to make people feel "normal" don't work out as planned. If we keep having to change them, a 9-year-old would notice. Change is normal, but will our tweaks communicate weakness to a child who really needs strength? I wonder, but I'm not worried. I'm too easy going to ever raise a child who frets over mom not being type a.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
How do parents do it?
Maybe it was the cold Tuesday night air that caused Mike and I to both be sick with colds this weekend. If it was, I can let it go--after all, the Twins won and are onto round 1 of the playoffs. Here we are healthy and elated over the win.
Yet, as he and I have suffered through these colds today I couldn't help but wonder how parents handle having kids when they're sick? I remember my mom being sick but most times she just plowed through it. How? When you become a parent are you instilled with a fierceness you didn't have before?
I hope I get one because the 3 hour nap I had today seemed impossible to give up when my throat is raw, head is pounding, and energy is non-existent. So to parents out there--tell me how you do it...
I hope I get one because the 3 hour nap I had today seemed impossible to give up when my throat is raw, head is pounding, and energy is non-existent. So to parents out there--tell me how you do it...
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Our Calendars Are Marked: October 13th
Mystic Warning: I think this blog is truly good luck. After my last post I got an email from Rosie's social worker. Rosie's case worker wants to meet with us. It's set for October 13th.
We are the only couple being interviewed, but they are accepting other home studies so a few other couples could join the fray. Or not. Who knows?
Either way, this is great news.
The kid/change paradox: I had an interesting conversation, a conversation that seems to repeat with all friends who are contemplating having kids. It revolves around losing some personal freedoms once kids enter the picture, and I had a thought: even if you're not the one having kids, your life changes when all your friends' lives do.
It's true, having children does put a bit of a limitation on the Friday night dinners out, the last minute trips, happy hours, and the ability to finish "one more thing" at work and getting home closer to 7 than 6.
At the same time, if you are without kids when all your friends are parents your life has to change, too. Those friends can't join you on Friday dinners or last minute trips any more. It's the way it should be, yet, you have to adjust, and change, too.
No matter what, at certain stages in life everyone has to experience change. I guess it's really about whether you want to be the one starting the chain of change or if you want to be the one adjusting to it.
We are the only couple being interviewed, but they are accepting other home studies so a few other couples could join the fray. Or not. Who knows?
Either way, this is great news.
The kid/change paradox: I had an interesting conversation, a conversation that seems to repeat with all friends who are contemplating having kids. It revolves around losing some personal freedoms once kids enter the picture, and I had a thought: even if you're not the one having kids, your life changes when all your friends' lives do.
It's true, having children does put a bit of a limitation on the Friday night dinners out, the last minute trips, happy hours, and the ability to finish "one more thing" at work and getting home closer to 7 than 6.
At the same time, if you are without kids when all your friends are parents your life has to change, too. Those friends can't join you on Friday dinners or last minute trips any more. It's the way it should be, yet, you have to adjust, and change, too.
No matter what, at certain stages in life everyone has to experience change. I guess it's really about whether you want to be the one starting the chain of change or if you want to be the one adjusting to it.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Quick Updates - No News About Children
Sorry I've been quiet. We haven't heard anything on Rosie or any other child, and we have to renew our FBI checks in the next week to retain our Foster Care license. I did ask our social worker if there was any news about Rosie, and she basically said no. She ignored my question about other potential children. My attitude is pretty good about it. I had my sulky week. I got over it.
Quick Updates on a Few Things:
I'm still thinking through the race for my sister--the how, what, when, and where. From talking with a few people I hear getting the non profit tax exempt status will be the most time consuming and costly part. So my task to complete by the end of next week is to find a pro bono lawyer who can help me.
Speaking of running, I've got my groove back. I'll be joining a cardio running class (picture a spin class but with treadmills). The class meets Tuesdays and Thursdays at 5 a.m.--crazy, yes. Yet, it sort of suits me. I like extremes a little. We'll see how long I can take it. I'm hoping to get to January uninjured and ready to run Securian's frozen half marathon.
Quick Updates on a Few Things:
I'm still thinking through the race for my sister--the how, what, when, and where. From talking with a few people I hear getting the non profit tax exempt status will be the most time consuming and costly part. So my task to complete by the end of next week is to find a pro bono lawyer who can help me.
Speaking of running, I've got my groove back. I'll be joining a cardio running class (picture a spin class but with treadmills). The class meets Tuesdays and Thursdays at 5 a.m.--crazy, yes. Yet, it sort of suits me. I like extremes a little. We'll see how long I can take it. I'm hoping to get to January uninjured and ready to run Securian's frozen half marathon.
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