Today started out well. In fact, the "downs" lately have begun feeling more like just life--more like what all kids are likely to do to cause their parents headaches.
Then this morning, Rosie and I were chilling out. She watching The Cosby Show while I made a few appointments for her and Mike went to pick Princess up from her vet check-up. She started doing a normal kid thing--messing around with the battery compartment on a remote, clicking it on then off, then on, then off, then pulling the batteries in and out.
So I asked her to stop. She didn't. I gave her a few minutes, asked again, and she didn't, so I told her I'd have to take away the remote if she didn't stop. So she stopped. I went back to making doctor appointments and could hear another click. So I walked into the living room where I saw her holding the battery cover in one hand and the remote in the other. So I took the remotes. We watched more TV, and after awhile I told Rosie I trusted her to not play or mess around with the remote battery compartments, and I gave the remotes back. I thought the moment was over.
We had a play date with another family who have adopted a child recently scheduled. So about thirty minutes after the remote issue I asked Rosie to go get dressed. No. She said. She walked away and did something else. So I asked again. No. She said. So I told her OK, I'm going to hop in the shower, and when I get out, you need to be dressed.
Even though I took my sweet time in the shower--I shaved my legs, I tweazed (sp?) more grey hairs, I examined my eyebrows for stray hairs, all in hopes she'd be dressed when I emerged. She wasn't. Eventually, I lost my temper as Rose's refusals became more defiant and boldly rude. I told her she had to stay in her room until she apologized to me. I was actually yelling at this point because she kept coming out of her room to tell me "I can leave my room anytime I want." I'm not proud of the yelling, it's bumming me out still, eight hours later. Needless to say I cancelled the play date. That mom completely understood.
After some time, Mike went into Rosie's room to ask what was going on, since he came into the situation in the middle of it. He relayed to me, that she was mad at me for taking the remotes away without listening about why she was messing with them again. I was floored. Since I had given her the remotes back in the end, and since she had acted completely fine toward me until I asked her to get dressed, I assumed she was angry about getting dressed.
Nope. This girl was willing to be sent to her room and lose her gaming privileges for a week because she was so determined to be right about why she should have touched the remote battery compartment after several warnings to leave it.
So I was feeling composed and went into her room. I did talk to her, and she reiterated what Mike told me. I apologized for losing my temper when she informed me I needed to apologize for the remote issue. Everything she said to me was dripping in pre-teen snottiness, so I told her I was done talking with her until she wasn't angry any longer.
Eventually, I asked her if she wanted some lunch. She said she did, so I prepared it and told her she could eat it at the table. She and I sat. I spoke quietly when spoken to, I was pretty sad about the whole situation--my losing my temper and not picking up on the remote thing being such a big deal. She started to hit me with more snottiness so I got up and went to eat in the kitchen without saying a word. She tried to come in and get my attention, but I read a book and didn't acknowledge her. She returned to eating and I could hear the sniffles of the morning turning into a full blown cold.
I left my book and asked her if she needed cold medicine. Are you talking to me or dad, she asked. You, I said. Oh, it's just that I'm not people used to talking to me when they're upset with me. Well, no matter what argument we're having, I still care for and love you. I will still make sure you have medicine and food. Oh, she said, with a little bit of surprise in her voice.
This only made me feel worse but reiterated to me how much she is still learning about what family means. What love is.
After she took her medicine she asked how Sadie died. Sadie was the collie we had before Moxie. I was already feeling emotional, so I told Rosie I was too sad already to talk about my dog, and I started to cry. She came up and gave me a big hug and then apologized for being "so disrespectful and bringing me to this point." Oh sweetie, I said, you didn't make me cry. Then we chatted a little over the rest of lunch.
I told her about how sometimes, it's better to just let go of things with other people but know you're right inside. I also told her that if she's mad about something, like the remotes, it's better to tell me what she's mad about rather than getting into another fight about another issue, like getting dressed. Ok, she said, quite simply. Then she got dressed without issue.
Afterwards, she painted and helped me put together her scrap books. The psychologists have all told us that when one of us is arguing with Rose, the other should stay out of it, which is why Mike did just that, other than to lend a listening ear. He was truly my savior.
Tonight, after we as a family read 30 minutes of
The Wizard of Oz, Rosie asked if it was hard to raise a kid. I told her it's much harder not to have a kid, and I thanked her for making me a mom but inside I worry about how my emotions impact her. She truly is the most unique kid I've ever met. Next time, I hope I can keep my cool throughout.
