Christmas Oddities

The psychologists were right. Once Christmas Eve arrived, Rose's anxiety dropped. Is it odd to start an entry about Christmas with "psychologists were right"? Well, such is our life. Odd is cool. I will describe some of the oddities of the season before I write a second post with pictures and tales of the amazing days composing our first Christmas as a family.

The first oddity of the holiday is that Rose seems ambivalent to presents. She appreciates them. She gets excited to open them. Yet, unlike most kids, it seems they could disappear completely and she would be mostly unaffected by their absence. I guess by most kids I'm comparing her to my 10-year-old self who eagerly shook every present my Mom set under the tree and begged daily to open "just one."

Thankfully for us, this indifference means she didn't plead to open the gifts from Mom and Dad under the tree in the week leading up to Christmas. Nor did she bound out of her room Christmas Day with the joy and glee with which most children greet that special morning. 

Rose also didn't show the materialistic tendencies I remember accompanying the holiday elation that helped my fly out of my bed December the 25th. Except once, for one small moment, where she asked for more presents when everything had been opened. Yet, her request was small and not at all demanding. She didn't look disappointed when there weren't any more to open. I smiled when she asked because it felt less odd.  

Another oddity is all me. Being new parents, we, er, well, I suck at gift giving. When I was out shopping I saw a suit case. It was pink with little blue polka dots and swivel wheels so you can turn it any which way. Since we have a trip to Disneyworld coming up, I snatched it up. Rose will be thrilled, I thought. 

When she opened it, another oddity showed itself. Rose smiled. She looked at it, she unzipped it and pretended to care about the pockets inside. She kept betraying her disappointment with a beautiful smile, but through her eyes I heard the wahhh-wahhhhhhh. She set it aside and it has sat in her room since. 

My brother-in-law asked if I thought she'd wheel it around the house pretending she was at the airport. The thought still makes me laugh. No, of course, not. I'm not sure why I thought a suit case was a great gift for a child. To make things worse, it was one of the gifts we chose to leave out from St. Nicholas. Yep, odd parents we are, indeed.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

I knew better than to have many expectations for this holiday season with Rose. I was right. Her therapists have confirmed her sudden increase in defiant, rude and altogether unpleasant behavior is related to stifled memories of years of sad Christmases. They said once Christmas is over, we'll see an overnight difference.

Then I wonder, are Rose's behaviors amping up because I expected it--like a quasi self fulfilling prophecy?  Who knows. Maybe it's also because we hired another PCA who started this week. Regardless, we're back in May mode. Re-learning to ignore the bad to further reinforce the good.

At the same time, we're toning down the St. Nicholas stuff. Surprises make her more anxious and seem to increase the negative behaviors. So keep your fingers crossed that we make it through the holiday season in one piece. Next year, perhaps we'll all be in a better place to truly enjoy the holidays.

11th Birthday Celebrations

I don't remember turning 11. I want Rose to never forget her 11th birthday. We filled it with a week of family and friend celebrations to help cement the event into her head.

Since then, things have been a little rocky. For now, for this post though, I'll focus on the happy. 

Here's a cake Rose and Mike made before the Schulte celebration. It was also Aunt Krista's birthday. To save space, Rose drew a rose for her name instead of spelling it out. Not a bad decorator, if you ask me.

 Here are the birthday girls!

Rose's cousin, Abby, made a great gift giver.

 

 I love this picture because of the sheer joy in Rose's face.

A week after, we celebrated again with my mom and aunt.

 

The picture below is a light saber - a real one, except it doesn't cut heads or hands off. Thank goodness.

Then, lastly, Beth, Jason, Lucy and Ben stopped by with cupcakes and gifts. A good time was had by all.

Oddly, we didn't get any pictures on Rose's actual birthday. We celebrated it with just us and also our family therapist, Penni. I made a German Chocolate cake, per Rose's request, and we got her an outfit and Star Wars Legos.

I've noticed a trend lately. With Rose around, we're hard pressed to get photos of all of us, they are all of her. Not good or bad. Just different.

Operation Saint Nicholas

Rose doesn't believe in Santa Claus. She is 10, so I'm not surprised.  When I asked why, though, she said someone told her Santa was invented by the Devil to take attention away from Jesus.

Whoa. Now, I am not one to use a blog to publicize my religious beliefs. I also try to be open-minded about beliefs contradicting mine. This presents a struggle because I don't agree with what Rose was told.  So if you agree with it you might want to stop reading.

I guess that reasoning was better than, "Well, Santa, just didn't like you" when asked by 7-year-old why Santa has never visited her. Yet it seems worse than just saying: "Santa isn't real, honey." Why bring Jesus and the Devil into it at all? I am freaked out by people who throw out religion in that way. Seems cowardly.

Plus, when Roes repeated it I could tell by the tone of her voice she didn't really believe it. She was just parroting something to protect herself from the real reason why Santa never visited. Rose is smart. She knows why.

I don't have the heart to tell her the total truth, either. I don't think she's ready for it. Or maybe I'm not ready. Instead, I told her Santa Claus came from the story of Saint Nicholas. Saint Nicholas was sainted by the church because he treated children kindly, I said.  (Then I chuckled to myself because they way I explained the saint made him sound like a pedophile, but I digress.)

"Well, I believe in Saint Nicholas, just not Santa," she said. Of course I know she just wants to be liked and seems inclined to agree with anything to achieve that goal. So I am determined to change her agreement to belief. Here begins Operation Saint Nicholas. Not to fill her life with more lies but to bring a little much needed magic and wonder to it. She'll decide on her own what she believes and doesn't.

After all, what better to boost a child's self esteem than gifts from a kindred spirit regardless of the stickers she's earned or the number of friends she has.

My plans are a little hazy, so feel free to add new suggestions:
Step 1: Have her watch Miracle on 34th Street, the old version - Check.
Step 2: Ask a male coworker/friend to send a card to Rose from Saint Nicholas
Step 3: Leave a few other small gifts from the Saint between now and Christmas with the same handwriting on the tags as the card
Step 4: Allow Rose to open Christmas gifts from Mom and Dad Christmas Eve once we're home from the Schulte's celebration again with the same handwriting from steps 2 and 3.
Step 5: Place Saint Nicholas gifts under the tree for discovery Christmas morning in the same handwriting as steps 2 and 3.

Think it'll work?

Jealousy

Today I worked while Mike's company was closed, and the Norman Rockwell holiday continued. They went swimming, joined me for lunch at work, and then spent the afternoon at the Science Museum.

It feels strange to say this after the drama of Sunday, but I was jealous of Mike's day with Rose. When I got home, I spent some quality time playing dominoes with her. Here's a video of Rose explaining our creation.