The past month has been surreal. Sure, we've had ups and downs. This time, though, none of the downs affected us for more than 24 hrs,
Friday morning, for example, mike had to carry Rose to the car to get to school. We wouldn't let her wear shorts so she refused to cooperate.
(She ended up wearing shorts anyway, which is perhaps a lesson learned for us first time patents. Choose your battles wisely.)
We issued consequences. She came home Friday afternoon happy and determined to please us. She wrote two letters of apology and cleaned her room. The rest of her weekend was spent researching and writing a report on The Civil War.
Sounds lame. Yet tonight, we slurped spaghetti noodles as chocolate chip cookies filled the house with a calming aroma. We watched the newest Muppet movie. I read "The Secret Garden" to Rose until bedtime.
It was everything I dreamed it could be. It wasn't flashy. It just was. And it was wonderful.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
April Showers Bring April Birthdays
I was a very caring big sister. When my sister turned one, I decided I would "help" her open her birthday presents...out of my pure care of her well being. She was too little, I remember reasoning. Since I'm four, I'd better show her how it's done. I showed her how to open presents and how to play with her toys for two years before she decided she was ready to be an independent woman who opened her own presents. By then, I was nearly six and agreed.
As you can see, we were both happy with this arrangement.
Of course in hindsight, I'll admit I wasn't altruistic. I was an older sister who was spoiled and wasn't very thrilled that my baby sister had a whole day dedicated to her. Plus, I was convinced she did both the opening and playing WRONG! Better I do it myself. When I realized she would let me open her presents because she was too little to care, I took advantage. This bossy, I know better, mentality is a family trait I believe I inherited from my Grandma. Yet I digress, wo why this trip down memory lane?
Well, because April is filled with birthdays, namely Mike's and mine. Rose really struggles with these days. She will fall into oddly argumentative behavior that tests my patience as I try to remind her it's DAD's birthday or MY birthday. From what I can tell, she suffers because the days focus on someone else. She is no different from me ages four to six as I came to terms emotionally with losing the only kid position.
Of course, all of this is conjecture because she won't share her thoughts or reason for emotions. Yet yesterday, on my birthday, the evening was filled with silly arguments and her generally becoming so disrespectful she wound up with quiet time in her room. At one point when I told her she needed to have time out, she said, "Mom on your birthday you're supposed to be nice to people." As my lower back continued to spasm I told her on someone's birthday you're supposed to be nice to them.
To top it off, for the last two days I've been bed ridden with a sore lower back. It was literally spasming. I can barely make it up and down stairs, and Mike has been taking care of everything. Rose is early in her attachment, but I believe some of her behaviors yesterday stemmed from her concern about my not being able to take care of her. She's mentioned having nightmares about Mike or I dying. So I tried, and will admit didn't do well keeping my patience while she spent 30 minutes getting to her room.
Sometimes, when we're in funks, alone time is the best thing. That continues to be true of Rose. After a little over an hour in her room, her attitude had turned around. Mike made her dinner, and I offered to read her another chapter from The Secret Garden to show her I am still here for her. The night ended well, relatively speaking. We got another interesting peek into Rose's psyche and I had an pretty fine birthday, all things considered.
As you can see, we were both happy with this arrangement.
Well, because April is filled with birthdays, namely Mike's and mine. Rose really struggles with these days. She will fall into oddly argumentative behavior that tests my patience as I try to remind her it's DAD's birthday or MY birthday. From what I can tell, she suffers because the days focus on someone else. She is no different from me ages four to six as I came to terms emotionally with losing the only kid position.
Of course, all of this is conjecture because she won't share her thoughts or reason for emotions. Yet yesterday, on my birthday, the evening was filled with silly arguments and her generally becoming so disrespectful she wound up with quiet time in her room. At one point when I told her she needed to have time out, she said, "Mom on your birthday you're supposed to be nice to people." As my lower back continued to spasm I told her on someone's birthday you're supposed to be nice to them.
To top it off, for the last two days I've been bed ridden with a sore lower back. It was literally spasming. I can barely make it up and down stairs, and Mike has been taking care of everything. Rose is early in her attachment, but I believe some of her behaviors yesterday stemmed from her concern about my not being able to take care of her. She's mentioned having nightmares about Mike or I dying. So I tried, and will admit didn't do well keeping my patience while she spent 30 minutes getting to her room.
Sometimes, when we're in funks, alone time is the best thing. That continues to be true of Rose. After a little over an hour in her room, her attitude had turned around. Mike made her dinner, and I offered to read her another chapter from The Secret Garden to show her I am still here for her. The night ended well, relatively speaking. We got another interesting peek into Rose's psyche and I had an pretty fine birthday, all things considered.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
A different sort of lucky
On St. Patrick's Day, Mike and Rose came to support me at my first half marathon in over a year. Last year in October I was pretty sure I'd never have time to get to half marathon fit again. So I was was pleased and lucky to be in that shape just six months later.
Rose wasn't too pleased about getting up at 6:30 a.m. to support her mom, but a little hot chocolate bribe wiped away her morning grumpies.
The whole family came out except our kitty, Princess. Mike, Eddie, Moxie and Rose planned to meet me at mile 5. It was a turn back course, so they planned to stay put at mile 5 and see me again at mile 8. Mile 5 came, and they weren't there. I worried a bit. My running buddy pointed out they probably couldn't get parking fast enough. That made sense.
Mile 8 came, and they weren't there. My running buddy was feeling under the weather so we parted way, and I couldn't stop worrying. From about mile 8 to miles 13 I couldn't erase the image of Rose acting up, Mike losing his mind and throwing her off the river bluffs, and I getting back to the finish line to see my husband being put into a squad car.
I thought I would never forgive myself for encouraging the adoption that pushed Mike that far. I would end up in a mental facility for life, I reasoned. What's even crazier is these were all serious thoughts.The images were vivid. Rationally, I know Mike wouldn't hurt Rose. Perhaps my brain was hitting a wall after the long run in the unusually warm March weather.
Cause there they were, waiting at the finish line. They were anchored down by an arthritic Eddie but excited to see me. It made me feel lucky. Yet, not in the "It's a Wonderful Life" realization kind of way. The entire incident made me aware of how anxiety ridden I am still. That even though I'm back to pre-Rose running distances, even though I have a loving family willing to wait 2.5 hours for me on a beautiful Saturday, life is very different.
Rose wasn't too pleased about getting up at 6:30 a.m. to support her mom, but a little hot chocolate bribe wiped away her morning grumpies.
The whole family came out except our kitty, Princess. Mike, Eddie, Moxie and Rose planned to meet me at mile 5. It was a turn back course, so they planned to stay put at mile 5 and see me again at mile 8. Mile 5 came, and they weren't there. I worried a bit. My running buddy pointed out they probably couldn't get parking fast enough. That made sense.
Mile 8 came, and they weren't there. My running buddy was feeling under the weather so we parted way, and I couldn't stop worrying. From about mile 8 to miles 13 I couldn't erase the image of Rose acting up, Mike losing his mind and throwing her off the river bluffs, and I getting back to the finish line to see my husband being put into a squad car.
I thought I would never forgive myself for encouraging the adoption that pushed Mike that far. I would end up in a mental facility for life, I reasoned. What's even crazier is these were all serious thoughts.The images were vivid. Rationally, I know Mike wouldn't hurt Rose. Perhaps my brain was hitting a wall after the long run in the unusually warm March weather.
Cause there they were, waiting at the finish line. They were anchored down by an arthritic Eddie but excited to see me. It made me feel lucky. Yet, not in the "It's a Wonderful Life" realization kind of way. The entire incident made me aware of how anxiety ridden I am still. That even though I'm back to pre-Rose running distances, even though I have a loving family willing to wait 2.5 hours for me on a beautiful Saturday, life is very different.
Oh, and here's Rose after the St. Patrick's Day parade. All swagged out.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Sometimes the easy way out is the right way out
We became the family who took a Disney trip away from Rose. I felt awful about it. It wasn't an easy decision. It was made over the course of two months, after much debating and talking with Mike and the family therapist. The night we made the decision, I went to bed thinking I had made a decision that was the easy way out.
Rose just couldn't listen to the most simple of instructions. I dreaded myself turning into the Incredible Hulk Mom like I did South Dakota. I could just imagine the youtube videos of me cursing up a storm at no one in particular. Mike agreed with the decisions but for his own reasons. If he decides to make a post, he can explain his reasoning.
Family therapist thought Rose's behavior might be caused from the sheer anxiety of the trip. She predicted cancelling the trip would either make our lives hell or better. Thankfully, it was the latter. In three days, Rose was listening at home. She was showering. Sure enough, deciding to cancel the trip took away her anxiety. So while cancelling the trip was easy for me because it reduced my anxiety, it was the right thing overall because it reduced Rose's.
My aunt, who was helping pay for the trip, suggested next year we surprise Rose with the trip to avoid the fate. Thankfully the trip was insured. Thankfully, we have respite care lined up that week so we can get a little break ourselves cause this week was dotted with a suspension. Apparently good behavior at home doesn't carry to school. But more about that in another post.
Rose just couldn't listen to the most simple of instructions. I dreaded myself turning into the Incredible Hulk Mom like I did South Dakota. I could just imagine the youtube videos of me cursing up a storm at no one in particular. Mike agreed with the decisions but for his own reasons. If he decides to make a post, he can explain his reasoning.
Family therapist thought Rose's behavior might be caused from the sheer anxiety of the trip. She predicted cancelling the trip would either make our lives hell or better. Thankfully, it was the latter. In three days, Rose was listening at home. She was showering. Sure enough, deciding to cancel the trip took away her anxiety. So while cancelling the trip was easy for me because it reduced my anxiety, it was the right thing overall because it reduced Rose's.
My aunt, who was helping pay for the trip, suggested next year we surprise Rose with the trip to avoid the fate. Thankfully the trip was insured. Thankfully, we have respite care lined up that week so we can get a little break ourselves cause this week was dotted with a suspension. Apparently good behavior at home doesn't carry to school. But more about that in another post.
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