Amy the North Minneapolis Explorer

When I was a kid, my favorite activity was taking long bike rides through our neighborhood. I loved to explore and feel like I was the first person to turn a corner and discover that little pond or playground.

Today, fueled by a conversation at the local dog park, I decided if I'm going to raise kids in this neighborhood, I should start exploring it. So as soon as Mike left for his fantasy football draft I hopped on my bike and explored.  I wish I'd brought a camera.

First I found what I think has to be the largest beaver dam on the Northside. It's right where the Humboldt Greenway Path comes to an end, just after you cross a footbridge into Brooklyn Center. I think I saw one of the beaver kids scramble up a tree. Initially I thought it was a large, really fuzzy squirrel.

Then, headed toward the North Mississppi Park. On my way there, I learned there is a cricket field where a very large group of Indian men gather to play. The bright green and yellow clothes they wore were stunning.  For a second I thought I might be in Ireland again.

The North Mississippi Regional trails weren't as awesome by comparison. There was a very short part of the path near the river and surrounded by wetlands, which I enjoyed. Then you pass a fantastic splash pool complete with water falls and picnic area, and from there the trail just gets further away from the soothing sounds of the Mississippi and much closer the roar of the freeway. I could have kept going--it might have gotten better, but I was pretty tired.

I was going to end my journey at Victory 44 but was more in the mood for Panera so now I'm home cooling off before eating and meandering out to get a med. veggie sandwich accompanied by black bean soup. Tonight will be less healthy, steak, guacamole, yum!

All-in-all, I think it is a pretty nice neighborhood to explore. Acceptable for any new explorer who joins our family.

This one's dedicated to the ones I love

Today I celebrate two good friend's dreams coming true: a wedding and a baby!

The baby was born yesterday to my college friend, Brooke and her husband Steve. Congrats to you both! I can't wait to meet her and visit you.

The wedding is a friend who I know will look just gorgeous--can't wait to see her shoes--and whose day will be perfect.

So today I hope everyone has a joyful event (or two) to fill their weekend. Even if the joyful event is a trip to the State Fair, a cabin, or puttering around your garden.

Love,
Amy

Alone Time

Today I had a gorgeous bike ride to the gym (quick 6 miles one way). The alone time, wind in my face, and warm sun soaking into my skin helped improve my attitude. After an hour of strength training I was able to enjoy the freedom one more time today. I forgot how freeing bike riding is. It feels a bit like being a kid all over again.

This week as Mike heads out of town for a business trip, I think I will savor my alone time and look for these little forgotten childhood pleasures. Anyone gotta a sandbox, shovels, and some stolen Tupper Ware perfect for castle making?

And for cheesy fun, pictures of a younger Amy:

I'm 3, with my first childhood friend. We are sitting on a standard dining room chair.

Even at 4, I was a total dork. :-)

Pride, Pity, and Powerless Plans

My Grandma had a embroidered saying on her bedroom wall when I was growing up. I don't remember the saying, exactly. I do know it was from the Bible, and the gist of it was to not let things you can't control get to you--know that God is there guiding for you. Come to think of it, maybe that wasn't a saying on Grandma's wall but something my Aunt had. Or maybe I remember it from some movie.

Anyway, it means have faith. This week has been a tough week for faith-keeping for me. We got the following email from Rosie's social worker in response to an email I sent her.

From Rosie's Social Worker: "Thanks for the update. Just to let you know, we are at a bit of a stand still on the case with Rosie. We are submitting paperwork for a sibling separation to the state. However, the state doesn’t want us to move forward with any steps until they have approved the separation (I don’t know if we are going to follow this or not). I just wanted to give you an update and know that we have not forgotten about your and Mike!"

Hmm, so what can I control? Obviously not the state, or the inexplicable system that makes it impossible to help these children quickly despite its best intentions. I can control how excited I get--but only a little. I can try to not start imagining our life with these children so quickly. Mike's a little wiser about that.

Last night I remarked that I was just having a pity party for myself. I don't care to ask my social worker about more children right now. I don't want to be excited any more. To quote Simon and Garfunkel, I want to be a rock, I want to be an island because "a rock feels no pain and an island never cries." Really, though, I just want a child. I passed a news stand, and saw an article about some family who have 19 kids and "are excited for more" and nearly threw a small fit of anger right there. I imagined the magazines flying like butterflies through the air as I screamed "I just want ONE!!!"

It would have been hard to update my blog from jail though. And, as I write, I realize what good is a pity blog? As an American with a significant amount of Irish/German pride, I hate pity as much as I hate asking for help, which is why I write--to see perspective.

Here's some more pleasant perspective:
I am lucky in so many other ways--in my job, my family, my health.
If we don't get to have kids there are so many other things to look forward to. 
Like enjoying our patio on warm, summer nights.
Trips to places around the world.
It'll be a lot easier to plan the 5k for my sister without a child.
I can bestow so much love and affection to my friend's children.

Yee haw!
It is funny how life works out, though. When I was 16, I thought my life right now would be spent living on a farm, with my 3 to 4 little red heads and husband. We'd farm most of the land ourselves, and in our free time we'd pile into our pick-up truck to deliver my baked goods to friends and neighbors.  I'd write in my free time. Are you laughing? If you aren't, you probably haven't seen my inner city home and affinity for patent leather heels. Or how taking my dogs on a walk through Theo Wirth Parkway is about all the nature I need most of the time.

I've always been a girl with a 5-year, 10-year, and even 30-year plan. So now I think some of issues stem from the fact that I can't envision what life will be like. I have no control what the next month will even hold. So I will just keep filling it with plans involving friends, family and joys that help me rebuild my faith bit by bit. Things that focus on the positive.

This weekend, a camping trip had to be put on hold because the 90 degree heat would have been too much for our dogs. So I think I'll head to the tattoo parlour. I am going to get my grandma's wedding band pattern tattoed on my upper right shoulder. Kind of like this: http://tattoos-and-art.com/wp-content/gallery/henna-tattoos/3rd_sitting_shoulder_tattoo_041_large.jpg

Silliness wanted - and please hurry

Today I think I saw one factor of many that adds to my anxiety over this adoption process taking so long. Mike and I were at a work picnic, and true to form, Mike was a kid magnet. When the water balloon fight started he had just as much fun as the kids. They loved playing with him, too, or so it seemed from how wet his shirt was.

It's moments like this I can't wait for that to be a daily occurrence in our household--not the water balloon fight, specifically. Just the sight of my husband and our child enjoying each other's company and being silly. As two adults with no children, silly just doesn't happen enough.

On a side note, how it is that I seem to repel kids while Mike doesn't baffles me a little. I mean, stereotypically, I am the female who should be the magnet. He also casts the same spell on animals. I don't really let it get to me though. I'm more reserved and a slower warmer upper while his inner child is not as reluctant to make a visit. It's one of the things I love most about him.

Oh, and no news from any social worker since the last post.

A little assurance goes a long way

I emailed Rosie's and our social worker to see how things are going, and I got the following response, which helped me feel more hopeful in the wait and reassured:

Rosie's Social Worker: "The time it takes to move forward really depends on location and workload of the county worker and other care providers (therapists, foster parents, GAL). I have forwarded on your study to the county worker with some information regarding our meeting together. She thought that you guys sounded great; she and I are currently working on the logistics of the next steps. I am in an extended meeting for much of the day today, but am hoping to get a chance to talk with her. Just so you are aware; in the case that the two of you were not selected for a collateral meeting, you would be notified (at least that’s how I operateJ!) Thanks for your patience and hopefully I’ll get back to you in the next couple of days!"

The dreaded two-week wait filled with paving blocks, sod, and bulldozers

Those how have tried to have a child might be familiar with the two-week wait. For those who aren't familiar, I'll explain it briefly: When trying to conceive a baby there are two weeks between ovulation and when a mom-to-be can take a pregnancy test. It can be torture.

Waiting for a social worker to let us know if we have an interview with a case worker is just as annoying. You can't control any part of it, you're still waiting to find out if your life could change, and you're exhausted from thinking about it.

So...as a partial distraction, we decided to upgrade our backyard. There are so many things to distract yourself with when landscaping.

The following is what we needed to improve--the picture doesn't really capture its chaos. There was no grass--only weeds, the retaining wall was falling apart, the rose bush was too large and no matter how much I tried, it would spill onto the tiny, cracking sidewalk. To be fair, the rose bush came with the yard. Next to Moxie was a stack of retaining wall block we bought in a failed attempt to stop the weed growth between the retaining wall and our neighbor's fence (don't ask...)

Our steps to backyard salvation and a rest from adoption thoughts:

1. Select a landscaper. We went with McDonough Lanscaping and were very pleased with our choice.

2. Receive a design from the landscaper. This was ours, and I fell in love with it:

3. Sign the contracts and start selecting the materials. These were some of the samples we looked at. It was really hard to envision how they would look as a patio and wall. So we choose them, took a deep breath, and watched while...

4. Our yard was torn down in one day--when I saw it I had a mini panic attack. I was home sick when it happened, and the reverberations from the wall coming down shook the entire house:

5. Watch as everything progresses for the next 6 days:

Notice the wall to the right and two distinct levels beginning to appear:

The sidewalk, patio, retaining walls are in!!

And then finally, the sod, and one happy collie:

Now we just need to add some furniture and pick a day for our BBQ.

Side-by-side comparison