I said what?

There have been two times I have heard myself uttering words I swore I never would.

First, I have tried to use guilt to get Rosie to Eat.

Sunday we were having pizza and salad with Rosie's Uncle Al, Aunt Brenda and Cousin Abby. It was the first meeting, and it had gone pretty well. Rosie poured a huge amount of dressing on hers and started to toss it when she asked why she had water. When soda was brought up, I said that Rosie doesn't like or drink much soda. She gave me a look that I could tell meant she didn't appreciate my mothering.

After that, she lost interest in her salad. As I ate I tried to not focus on how Rosie wasn't eating, but it was kind of like a neon light at the edge of the table. I couldn't ignore it. Even though I know my family members weren't judging me, I felt this odd pressure to make sure Rosie ate. Not only because she should but otherwise, that neon light would flash an arrow my way and somehow reflect on me as her mom.

So I said, "Rosie, aren't you hungry?"  Not really, she replied poking at some of her salad. Then I uttered something I was sure I would never say, are you ready for this? It's horrible. It's like for a second I become my grandma:

I said:  "Well, you should try to eat some of it, Brenda worked hard on that salad."

Yes, I, without thinking about it, used guilt to attempt to get Rosie to eat. As soon as I said it, I wanted to suck the words back. I couldn't though, and I wasn't sure if she saw how shaken I was by this guilty tactic that came out of my subconscious. It was hard wired in me by years of living with a mom and grandma who employed it handily.

I explained this to my mom who laughed and said, "You're a mom! A mom feels guilty about guilt-tripping." She then went on to explain how worried I seem to look now, which is how moms are. Moms are hyper about everything, she explained, while dads are more laid back. She thought my look of concern as a good sign. I don't know about that. Especially if I will resort to tricks I swore I'd never use this early into parenthood.
Second, I used the word calorie when explaining why Rosie couldn't have an entire chocolate chip cake at KFC.  As in "you can't have that because of all the calories in it." This bums me out because I don't want to raise a daughter who is hung up on weight and calorie counting--at least not because of me. Next time, I'll say, "because that's not healthy."