Rose earned all of four stickers this month. Four. It's been rough.
Last night, she started to have a rough night and as a result didn't finish her homework on time. So this morning I woke her up an hour sooner. I gave her a kiss and rubbed her back, let her know hot cocoa and a brownie were waiting for her at the table while she finished her homework.
Not surprisingly, she was up in 5 minutes and working on her homework. She bragged to Mike that she had a brownie the second he came downstairs. On top of that, she was fully dressed and out the door 13 minutes sooner, which is time she can apply to a later bedtime this weekend.
When I picked her up she asked if I have her the cocoa and brownie to motivate her to get her homework done. Very smart, kiddo.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Putting things in order
Today we spent the majority of the day what I first called cleaning. Then I realized I wasn't just cleaning. The housework I was doing symbolized a transition from chaos to calm. What a reassuring revelation during this rocky weekend.
Our bedroom was my primary target. It had been filled throughout the year with items we had to take away from Rose as consequences. Or items we had to keep away for fear she'd hurt herself with them during her fits of temper and extreme attention getting ploys. (In contrast, even though her defiance and sasssiness this week has been hard, it hasn't elevated to us hiding our sharps or electrical cords. So yay for that.)
Anyway, in the past year our room had begun to feel like a make shift pharmacy slash nursery. I found myself either stepping over hydrogen peroxide or finding Orbees in my pajama drawer. And until last year, I didn't even know what Orbees were. It seemed like the room had become the epitome of the uncertainty and chaos filling my brain. I couldn't empty my brain so I couldn't clear the clutter. Nothing was making sense. Until today.
Today, thanks to the fabulous progress Rose has made, the bathroom stuff went back where it belonged. My clothing drawers contain only clothes. Oh, and the pile of pictures, Rose's art, and Rose's report cards, her lost tooth, and partially started scrap book I swore I would keep up are now tidily placed in a storage bin. I'll get to that, eventually. I won't let its sprawling chaos guilt me in the meantime.
Best of all, Rose has a place in my life that makes sense. Motherhood isn't an awkward stumble or trip over misplaced obstacles any more. It isn't perfect, either, as my closet can attest, but it's as orderly as I would hope and becoming better than I envisioned.
Our bedroom was my primary target. It had been filled throughout the year with items we had to take away from Rose as consequences. Or items we had to keep away for fear she'd hurt herself with them during her fits of temper and extreme attention getting ploys. (In contrast, even though her defiance and sasssiness this week has been hard, it hasn't elevated to us hiding our sharps or electrical cords. So yay for that.)
Anyway, in the past year our room had begun to feel like a make shift pharmacy slash nursery. I found myself either stepping over hydrogen peroxide or finding Orbees in my pajama drawer. And until last year, I didn't even know what Orbees were. It seemed like the room had become the epitome of the uncertainty and chaos filling my brain. I couldn't empty my brain so I couldn't clear the clutter. Nothing was making sense. Until today.
Today, thanks to the fabulous progress Rose has made, the bathroom stuff went back where it belonged. My clothing drawers contain only clothes. Oh, and the pile of pictures, Rose's art, and Rose's report cards, her lost tooth, and partially started scrap book I swore I would keep up are now tidily placed in a storage bin. I'll get to that, eventually. I won't let its sprawling chaos guilt me in the meantime.
Best of all, Rose has a place in my life that makes sense. Motherhood isn't an awkward stumble or trip over misplaced obstacles any more. It isn't perfect, either, as my closet can attest, but it's as orderly as I would hope and becoming better than I envisioned.
Friday, February 17, 2012
I'd like to see you make me
There are a few more tactics Rose has attempted to employ to get out of trouble.
Our therapist wisely suggested we try the consequence of ignoring her her behavior. That consequence typically works. Although lately she's tried a new tactic, "Mom, wouldn't you really be punishing yourself? You know you want to spend time with me. Why would you give yourself that consequence?"
It almost made me laugh. I felt impressed by her technique. I tried to keep my awe hidden. I told her I do want to spend time with her, I love to spend time with her but her decision is hers alone. She understand the consequence. She tried the same tactic on the PCA last night. To no avail.
To be honest, I would prefer that quasi-manipulative response over the new oh so 11-year-old response of, "I'd like to see you make me." For some reason those seven point five words incite a fire in my brain like no other. I'm sure I said them to my mom, but gosh, I don't remember doing so.
Our therapist wisely suggested we try the consequence of ignoring her her behavior. That consequence typically works. Although lately she's tried a new tactic, "Mom, wouldn't you really be punishing yourself? You know you want to spend time with me. Why would you give yourself that consequence?"
It almost made me laugh. I felt impressed by her technique. I tried to keep my awe hidden. I told her I do want to spend time with her, I love to spend time with her but her decision is hers alone. She understand the consequence. She tried the same tactic on the PCA last night. To no avail.
To be honest, I would prefer that quasi-manipulative response over the new oh so 11-year-old response of, "I'd like to see you make me." For some reason those seven point five words incite a fire in my brain like no other. I'm sure I said them to my mom, but gosh, I don't remember doing so.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Consequenceville
Welcome to Consequenceville, populate 3 humans, 2 fuzzy collies and 1 kitten.
Tonight our PCA, the new one, picked Rose up at school. Rose was caught up in a computer game and made the PCA wait for her. I use the word wait loosely. The PCA did what we would expect. She issued consequences, she kept her cool. She kept her cool for 45 minutes.
I would have been livid. I would have carried Rose out of that computer lab to make the biggest scene possible. It was good I wasn't there. In the end, the after school teacher unplugged Rose's mouse. Rose yelled out, and the teacher said no kids could use the computer. All of the kids of course yelled at Rose. Natural consequence, indeed.
Now, the other part of the consequence is a 45 minute early bed time and loss of time with the family for other rude things she said to the PCA. It really is a consequence for us both. We don't get any time with Rose, either.
Tonight our PCA, the new one, picked Rose up at school. Rose was caught up in a computer game and made the PCA wait for her. I use the word wait loosely. The PCA did what we would expect. She issued consequences, she kept her cool. She kept her cool for 45 minutes.
I would have been livid. I would have carried Rose out of that computer lab to make the biggest scene possible. It was good I wasn't there. In the end, the after school teacher unplugged Rose's mouse. Rose yelled out, and the teacher said no kids could use the computer. All of the kids of course yelled at Rose. Natural consequence, indeed.
Now, the other part of the consequence is a 45 minute early bed time and loss of time with the family for other rude things she said to the PCA. It really is a consequence for us both. We don't get any time with Rose, either.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Rose's First Fondue
From the chronicles of the child who hated photos. A series of photos from her first chocolate fondue. I requested the photos, but Rose made them her own. YAYYYY for progress. Huge progress.
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| Rose dipping her first Rice Crispy bar |
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| Rose smeared the chocolate on her face for effect. I do love the drama queen side of her. |
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| She did enjoy the fun of dipping sugary treats in melty chocolate. |
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| The baker and fondue maker. |
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| I had tried to subtly put the camera away, but Mike insisted on this photo. |
Gotcha Day!
A few gotcha day photos. And a few random takeaways:
1) Try, try, and try again. Especially when it comes to food. Especially when the alternative is eating only spaghetti every night. In the first few months that's the only thing Rose wouldn't protest. The nightly fights over food were so tiring they nearly made a pasta sentence worthwhile. Yet, we kept introducing and reintroducing foods and now she might grimace a few times, but she generally likes everything--even foods she swore she hated.
2) There's a fine line between consequence and punishment, and it's easily crossed. Sometimes what starts as a perfect consequence doesn't keep on course. In this case, the child acts out, mom calmly spells out consequence if behavior repeats, child has time to think about consequence before repeating or stopping the behavior.
Then the child chooses to repeat the behavior, anyway. Mom loses her cool a little because of the poor decision on the child's behalf and because the consequence obviously wasn't a good one. Before mom knows it 15 "consequences" are issued in 5 minutes. Dad calls this layering. When fired in rapid succession, consequences don't give time to let the kiddo think through or learn anything. Then they're punishments. Mom will work on this.
3) I think I mentioned this before, but parents seem to love educating me about which of Rose's behaviors are "normal" ones I can expect to continue or even get worse. They sometimes seem to delight in torturing me with this knowledge. A few weeks ago though, I couldn't help but laugh as someone else's kid had a melt down over pony tail holders in the Lifetime locker room. Which leads me to my last revelation: other people's kids aren't perfect, either! Which is probably all the other parents are trying to say.
And our 1st Gotha Anniversary pics:
1) Try, try, and try again. Especially when it comes to food. Especially when the alternative is eating only spaghetti every night. In the first few months that's the only thing Rose wouldn't protest. The nightly fights over food were so tiring they nearly made a pasta sentence worthwhile. Yet, we kept introducing and reintroducing foods and now she might grimace a few times, but she generally likes everything--even foods she swore she hated.
2) There's a fine line between consequence and punishment, and it's easily crossed. Sometimes what starts as a perfect consequence doesn't keep on course. In this case, the child acts out, mom calmly spells out consequence if behavior repeats, child has time to think about consequence before repeating or stopping the behavior.
Then the child chooses to repeat the behavior, anyway. Mom loses her cool a little because of the poor decision on the child's behalf and because the consequence obviously wasn't a good one. Before mom knows it 15 "consequences" are issued in 5 minutes. Dad calls this layering. When fired in rapid succession, consequences don't give time to let the kiddo think through or learn anything. Then they're punishments. Mom will work on this.
3) I think I mentioned this before, but parents seem to love educating me about which of Rose's behaviors are "normal" ones I can expect to continue or even get worse. They sometimes seem to delight in torturing me with this knowledge. A few weeks ago though, I couldn't help but laugh as someone else's kid had a melt down over pony tail holders in the Lifetime locker room. Which leads me to my last revelation: other people's kids aren't perfect, either! Which is probably all the other parents are trying to say.
And our 1st Gotha Anniversary pics:
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