Mothers Day 2012

I'm still trying to process Mothers Day. It doesn't feel natural to me, yet. I don't feel like a mom. I tried to figure out why not. I do all the things moms do. Even though I didn't carry, deliver or nurse Rose I invest just as much emotion and energy into her being.

I will need time to process this, but I think the reason I don't feel like a mom is because Rose can't share with me like I used to with my mom. Rose has good reasons of course. She was burned by adults and has no reason to trust anyone. At the same time, until she can confide in me, I don't feel like her mom. I feel like the kind woman who's giving her a place to stay. She's still my daughter, but not in the way I'd expected to have a daughter.

As a result, Mothers Day isn't really a sweet day, a more so bitter sweet day. I love honoring my my mom, grandma and aunt. I hate the full day reminder of the loss of mother/daughter role I'd wanted for years.Rose is a very important part of my life, my only daughter, but I hope some day we share a more strong bond.

Here's a picture of all the strong, beautiful women who made me, me.