Pride

Today Rose returned from a 4-night stay at her former foster parents. She had an alright time there, but since she got into a small fight with a 17-year-old foster sister, Rose claimed in usually dramatic fashion she "regretted ever going." Those were her words. Of course, she had no choice in going. She had the entire last week off, and we needed a sitter as well as a small break.

Nonetheless, I asked how her visit went despite the fight. She mentioned the 17-year-old wanted to straighten her hair. I grimaced. "Did they put anything in to protect your hair?" I asked, my irritation growing. They mean well, but any time she hangs out with them, especially the teenager, she comes home more aware of her race and more self conscious about her hair.

No, she said, they tried to straighten her hair with a straightener only. Going from her beautiful, tight curls to silky smooth hair with just the scorching heat of what is essentially an iron. Yikes. Not gonna happen without significant damage to the hair we've worked so hard to heal this year. She smiled as she told me she let them know they needed to put stuff in it to protect it and that they had to first blow it out, then use the straightener on it. They tried to argue with her, she said.

This is where the story tears me up...

As they argued, she told them her hair "is special and beautiful and different than so it needs to be blown out first" and even as she retold the story I could see the pride beaming through her eyes. She truly sees her hair as special and beautiful and worth standing up for. So she made them stop straightening her hair. Thank heavens. I can only imagine the breakage that it would have caused. More than anything, though, the display of self esteem makes me feel in awe of this little girl. It's inspiring.

Why let her go there with their, um, ignorance?
She adores going up there, though. In addition, her therapists said keeping her in touch with them was good since goodbyes haven't been positive for her. So we brush our concern aside.

Christmas Joys - Part I

The Christmas story will need to occupy two blog posts to contain all the photos. Was trying to shove them all in one, but Blogger won't even let me upload that many picture. Maybe that's Blogger's way of tactfully telling me more isn't always better sometimes it's is just more.

As I said in previous posts, the  high levels of anxiety Rose had leading up to these days worried me about how successful the holiday would be. I have realized I am very relieved to have this year of firsts pretty much over because Rose isn't the only one whose anxiety amped up with the  new experiences. Mine had, too. 

The pictures below show what a wonderful series of days it truly was once the emotion switch to joy. They also reveal the results of the St. Nicholas visits.

Rose was allowed to open 1 gift before we went to the Schulte Christmas Eve Celebration. She loved the dress Mike had picked out of her. She looked beautiful in it.

December 24th happens to also be Abby, Rose's cousin's, birthday. So each Christmas Eve Day starts with a birthday celebration.

The birthday girl with Aunt Brenda

Afterward, the family moved onto Christmas Eve stuff. 

Posing for photos with Rose and Uncle Brian

Grandma and Mike hanging out, chatting.

Trying to see if they could stack 28 coins on Rose's face to beat the World Record

Listening to puppies beg to be included in all the food and fun.

Of course, opening presents. This year many of the boys got funny tee shirts.

 

The girls got toys.

Rose getting into the swing of present opening.

Soo sooooft, she exclaimed. Little did she know, St. Nicholas has visited our house while she was enjoying the comfort of her new sweatshirt. Before we could see what he'd left for her, we took a few more family pictures.

All the Schulte boys with their Grandma.

A pretty happy family.

When we got home from Al and Brenda's, I tried my best to sound startled to see our stockings missing and even more surprised when Rose pointed under the tree and squealed, St. Nicholas has been here when she saw the presents sitting there.

Admittedly, he was a busy elf this year and left only three gifts with a card. Rose opened the card, looked at Mike, and said, "Nice, it's in your handwriting." He denied it, and I pointed out it didn't look like Dad's writing to me. (Yes, I have begun referring to Mike as Dad when in Rose's presence...but only then.)

I didn't think she bought it. But she played along when she opened her first gift--the smallest--which was a HUGE hit when she realized it was an iPod Nano with TOUCH SCREEN.

Thank goodness St. Nicholas had given her that and the cribbage board. Grandpa Schulte taught her to play cribbage this year, so it's neat to have her continue the tradition.

Yet she wasn't too thrilled with this big gift, which turned out to be a suit case she didn't enjoy.

Christmas Oddities

The psychologists were right. Once Christmas Eve arrived, Rose's anxiety dropped. Is it odd to start an entry about Christmas with "psychologists were right"? Well, such is our life. Odd is cool. I will describe some of the oddities of the season before I write a second post with pictures and tales of the amazing days composing our first Christmas as a family.

The first oddity of the holiday is that Rose seems ambivalent to presents. She appreciates them. She gets excited to open them. Yet, unlike most kids, it seems they could disappear completely and she would be mostly unaffected by their absence. I guess by most kids I'm comparing her to my 10-year-old self who eagerly shook every present my Mom set under the tree and begged daily to open "just one."

Thankfully for us, this indifference means she didn't plead to open the gifts from Mom and Dad under the tree in the week leading up to Christmas. Nor did she bound out of her room Christmas Day with the joy and glee with which most children greet that special morning. 

Rose also didn't show the materialistic tendencies I remember accompanying the holiday elation that helped my fly out of my bed December the 25th. Except once, for one small moment, where she asked for more presents when everything had been opened. Yet, her request was small and not at all demanding. She didn't look disappointed when there weren't any more to open. I smiled when she asked because it felt less odd.  

Another oddity is all me. Being new parents, we, er, well, I suck at gift giving. When I was out shopping I saw a suit case. It was pink with little blue polka dots and swivel wheels so you can turn it any which way. Since we have a trip to Disneyworld coming up, I snatched it up. Rose will be thrilled, I thought. 

When she opened it, another oddity showed itself. Rose smiled. She looked at it, she unzipped it and pretended to care about the pockets inside. She kept betraying her disappointment with a beautiful smile, but through her eyes I heard the wahhh-wahhhhhhh. She set it aside and it has sat in her room since. 

My brother-in-law asked if I thought she'd wheel it around the house pretending she was at the airport. The thought still makes me laugh. No, of course, not. I'm not sure why I thought a suit case was a great gift for a child. To make things worse, it was one of the gifts we chose to leave out from St. Nicholas. Yep, odd parents we are, indeed.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

I knew better than to have many expectations for this holiday season with Rose. I was right. Her therapists have confirmed her sudden increase in defiant, rude and altogether unpleasant behavior is related to stifled memories of years of sad Christmases. They said once Christmas is over, we'll see an overnight difference.

Then I wonder, are Rose's behaviors amping up because I expected it--like a quasi self fulfilling prophecy?  Who knows. Maybe it's also because we hired another PCA who started this week. Regardless, we're back in May mode. Re-learning to ignore the bad to further reinforce the good.

At the same time, we're toning down the St. Nicholas stuff. Surprises make her more anxious and seem to increase the negative behaviors. So keep your fingers crossed that we make it through the holiday season in one piece. Next year, perhaps we'll all be in a better place to truly enjoy the holidays.

11th Birthday Celebrations

I don't remember turning 11. I want Rose to never forget her 11th birthday. We filled it with a week of family and friend celebrations to help cement the event into her head.

Since then, things have been a little rocky. For now, for this post though, I'll focus on the happy. 

Here's a cake Rose and Mike made before the Schulte celebration. It was also Aunt Krista's birthday. To save space, Rose drew a rose for her name instead of spelling it out. Not a bad decorator, if you ask me.

 Here are the birthday girls!

Rose's cousin, Abby, made a great gift giver.

 

 I love this picture because of the sheer joy in Rose's face.

A week after, we celebrated again with my mom and aunt.

 

The picture below is a light saber - a real one, except it doesn't cut heads or hands off. Thank goodness.

Then, lastly, Beth, Jason, Lucy and Ben stopped by with cupcakes and gifts. A good time was had by all.

Oddly, we didn't get any pictures on Rose's actual birthday. We celebrated it with just us and also our family therapist, Penni. I made a German Chocolate cake, per Rose's request, and we got her an outfit and Star Wars Legos.

I've noticed a trend lately. With Rose around, we're hard pressed to get photos of all of us, they are all of her. Not good or bad. Just different.