Organizing and Planning for Real

Last weekend we spent four hours in Ikea getting a dresser. Why?

Because the dresser that matches our bed can't be hauled up the narrow and extremely steep steps to our room. Additionally, the floor in our half story seems to be sinking a little in one spot so I'm not certain adding an extremely heavy dresser is a good idea, even if you don't kill yourself getting it up there.

And because (ooh boy starting another sentence with two conjunctions...) we will give what was our dresser to Rosie if she moves in. So it's time to get all of our clothes out of her dresser, which sits in her room. We also need to stop using her room as a walk-in closet and storage space.

When we moved into this house eight years ago I remember thinking, we'll never fill this house with stuff. Now I can't imagine going any smaller. I think it's a prefect size for three people though.

Still no word on when we'll meet with Rosie's teachers and foster parents, but her social worker did confirm that she is working on setting up the appointment. I don't mind it taking a few weeks because it gives us more time for planning and organizing.

Now I'm off to compile the album they'd present to Rosie if/when she's told we are her parents.

One major hurdle cleared, one task complete, one task remains; advice requested

Today we were told Rosie's separation from her siblings is complete. We have also completed reading the case file.

Now on to our collaterals--aka the interviews with her current foster parents and therapists and ask them questions. Trust me, we have a few, but they are really just to help us figure out how we'd parent her. Of course, something shocking could be revealed.

There could be another step we aren't aware of.  Yet we're being optimistic and caution is ebbing away slightly.

I'm waiting to hear back from the Minneapolis school district and set up a meeting with them. Then we need to look at private schools and charter schools. Schools are really overwhelming to me currently.

I continue compiling the Amazon wish list, and had a couple of great links suggested to me for books by a friend. I'd love any advice on board games, playstation3 games, etc., that a 4th grader might like.

Also, any tips on how to fit in exercise about 4 days a week when parenting are also appreciated.

Joy

Quick note. Today I spent my lunch researching games, books, and other items for 4th grade girls--a task I've seen parents doing year after year. I never believed I would be one of them. Then I switched to emailing schools near us to begin setting up appointments. Again, it would have seemed inconceivable just years ago!

As Mike and I ate dinner and wondered what foods Rosie might like to eat, if she'll want to trick-or-treat next year, and what her favorite color is I felt joy. Joy because in the seven years leading up to this, I never really believed Mike and I would be having these conversations.

I also doubted that adopting a child would feel "as exciting" as what I had built pregnancy up to. Yet, it does. And as much as I can't get my hopes up yet, I do feel protective of this child whom I don't know, and I can't wait to nurture and raise her to her fullest potential.

The status of our adoption hasn't changed. Mike has a few more case files to read. Then we have to meet with Rosie's Foster parents, teachers, and then we can agree to parent her or decline. So cautious optimism should be the order of the day, but I'd say I'm really just full blown excited.

It's not really so much an "if" but a "when" all of a sudden

Today was the second appointment. The one where our social worker and Rosie's recruiter wanted to discuss last week's appointment with us. Today went really, really well. Our social worker said, and I quote: "this is the point where 'if' turns into more of a 'when'." Although, she then reassured us that we can still opt out at any time.

Good news...we passed last week's appointment! Rosie's slew of county and state assigned guardians loved us, down to my glasses. So now we sit home with the case file. We're reading a lot, discussing even more, but thus far, for the 1/4 of it we've read, nothing has made us change our minds even though it's saddened us, greatly.

Today the inner project manager in me was satisfied. I got a timeline, a tentative one dependant on a lot of bullshit red tape. Yet, assuming the remaining 3/4 of the case file continues to mimic what we've read--we could be meeting Rosie mid-December, and she would be moving in around Christmas...which is exactly what I didn't want, but I've learned to lose control completely.

I am not a control freak. I'm not. Yet not having a timeline has been challenging for me so this is a huge freaking relief. It makes it easier for us to plan out our work leave of absences and also give us a deadline for the work that needs to be done in the current guest room..more on that later.

So, what's next from a procedural perspective?

1. After we read the case file, we can decide if we want to move on to the interviews with the foster family and teachers.
2. If we interview with the foster family and teachers, we get to decide whether we want to parent Rosie.
3. That's really it, at least or so we think. You never know in this process.

A few more personal things we're starting to do:

1. Creating an album to give Rosie if after the interviews we decide to be her mom and dad
2. The great reorganization--getting all our clothes upstairs and out of her closet and dresser
3. Scheduling meetings with schools around the area to figure out where Rosie would go in January if she moves in with us.

So that's it. I know. It sounds as if I'm getting my hopes up, and I think at this point it's hard not to. Don't worry though, they're tethered to reality at least by one thin thread. If it doesn't pan out, it was our decision to not continue, which makes the 'no' a lot easier. I think.

It went REALLY well!!

So the interview started off shockingly, we thought we were going to be interviewed by 1 new person, and were instead meeting with 3 new people. Despite that, it went well, really well.

When we left we were told we're the only couple being considered for Rosie. In fact now, it's really our decision - do we want to parent Rosie after we learn more about her from her foster parents?

I'm not sure how long the next process will take--and we've learned better than to get too excited, but thus far there's nothing that would make us change our mind.

So, here's the newest pictures of Rosie being goofy:

And here she is being adorable:

Of course, there are a few panicked moments now that life could potentially change. Then I just look at her face and feel a little more relaxed.

It must be the nerves

Today's the day of our interview with Rosie's caseworker, which I said I wasn't going to get excited about. Yet, I woke up an hour before I would have had to so I must have lied. Either that or my 5 a.m. running class is starting to work it's way into my inner alarm clock.

With my extra hour I brewed some coffee and prepared a ginger pot roast for dinner tonight. While I typically hate cutting up vegetables or touching raw meat, today it felt almost relaxing. I had my iPod cranked so I was lost in my favorite music, my thoughts, and the sounds of potatoes being cut.

The pups must have realized today is a special day, too, because they were in the kitchen with me the entire time. Behavior typical of Moxie, but not Eddie. Eddie would much prefer to sleep. Yet, there they were beneath my feet, which didn't bother me like it can sometimes.

Now as I sit sipping coffee and listening to Elton John's "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" I kind feel like I do on holidays. The sun is just dawning, I've got something delicious cooking already, and the day holds nothing but anticipation. It's almost intoxicating. All my grumbles from the previous day seem like distant memories as I remember what's really important in my life: my family and my friends.

Speaking of music, there were a few that cycled into my playlist this morning that seem fitting for the day.

Michael Buble's "I just haven't met you, yet" - It's supposed to be a love song so the video so if you watch the video keep that in mind, but the lyrics really struck me perfectly expressing. Is it lame to admit I like Michael Buble? Don't get me wrong, I'll take Frank Sinatra, or any of the old school crooners first, but there's something a little dreamy about Michael.

I digress. Here are the lyrics:
I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track

Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up, then I let myself down
I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

And somehow I know that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

My college English professor would be disappointed I didn't unpack those lyrics and explain to you why they relate to me, but I have to shower so you'll have to connect the dots for yourselves.

Oh, the other song that came up this morning while I cooked was U2's Origin of the Species, which is probably my all time favorite song written by a rock start for his kids.  The video, which I'm watching for the first time is interesting and rather typical of the ham that is Bono (I love him...)--but don't let the abstract get to you, the lyrics and emotion are really what compel this song.

Interesting Post

I try to not vent too much. Yet, I thought this post was interesting.

http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/how-much-did-your-kid-cost.html

The 13th is coming soon - hopeful optimism reigns

Our interview with Rosie's county caseworker is on Wednesday, the 13th. Hopefully the number 13 will prove to be lucky for us.

People have asked if we're excited and seem a little shocked when I say we're not. However, the last interview we had was in July. We were excited then. We were excited until months passed and nothing happened. Sure, we hope it results in more interviews and a child., yet we need to protect ourselves from the let down of months of waiting for yet another layer of red tape to be removed.

It's really just a preventative measure for us. We will save excitement when we're through this interview, the next interview, and have decided to be the parent of this child.

Again I'm reminded of buying a house. If you're looking for a new house you don't walk into every single one excited that it will be yours. Often, it's not. You save your excitement for after you've viewed the house, and you've placed an offer.

Defining Normal

Yesterday at the Mall of America I was waiting to use the restroom behind a mom and her four-year-old son. The little boy must have been bored because he shoved his hand into his pants, pulled his penis out and proceded to play with it for a few seconds before putting it back in his pants.

Normal? Nope.

I looked at the mom, who was oblivious to her son's, um playing, because she was engrossed in conversation with another mom. The boy proceeded to repeat the above situation a few times. I tried to keep my eyes away, but it was kind of like a car crash. I don't want to look, but I couldn't help it, and I really wanted to to see how long it would take for his mom to notice the behavior.

I wasn't the only one, a few other women were chuckling in line.

She never did. He did notice me looking. So I tried to look away, but out of the corner of my eye I noticed his smiling at me as he pulled it back out and started to play with it while smiling at me. I decided I could hold it and left the bathroom.

This creepy little story brings me to my newest thought on adoption and parenting. As we approach our second interview about Rosie, I've started thinking about what is "normal" for us. How if we were adopting a baby we could define "normal" routines as parents with the baby being unaware of changes. Routines like housecleaning Saturday morning, having Sunday breakfast, etc., that right now we don't really adhere to because it's just us.

With a 9-year-old or any older child, I think we'll obviously incorporate some of her feedback into these plans. Yet, not too much because in my mind, it will be my job to provide structure, and what kid really wants to clean the house?

So what happens if the routines intended to make people feel "normal" don't work out as planned. If we keep having to change them, a 9-year-old would notice. Change is normal, but will our tweaks communicate weakness to a child who really needs strength? I wonder, but I'm not worried. I'm too easy going to ever raise a child who frets over mom not being type a.