Defining Normal

Yesterday at the Mall of America I was waiting to use the restroom behind a mom and her four-year-old son. The little boy must have been bored because he shoved his hand into his pants, pulled his penis out and proceded to play with it for a few seconds before putting it back in his pants.

Normal? Nope.

I looked at the mom, who was oblivious to her son's, um playing, because she was engrossed in conversation with another mom. The boy proceeded to repeat the above situation a few times. I tried to keep my eyes away, but it was kind of like a car crash. I don't want to look, but I couldn't help it, and I really wanted to to see how long it would take for his mom to notice the behavior.

I wasn't the only one, a few other women were chuckling in line.

She never did. He did notice me looking. So I tried to look away, but out of the corner of my eye I noticed his smiling at me as he pulled it back out and started to play with it while smiling at me. I decided I could hold it and left the bathroom.

This creepy little story brings me to my newest thought on adoption and parenting. As we approach our second interview about Rosie, I've started thinking about what is "normal" for us. How if we were adopting a baby we could define "normal" routines as parents with the baby being unaware of changes. Routines like housecleaning Saturday morning, having Sunday breakfast, etc., that right now we don't really adhere to because it's just us.

With a 9-year-old or any older child, I think we'll obviously incorporate some of her feedback into these plans. Yet, not too much because in my mind, it will be my job to provide structure, and what kid really wants to clean the house?

So what happens if the routines intended to make people feel "normal" don't work out as planned. If we keep having to change them, a 9-year-old would notice. Change is normal, but will our tweaks communicate weakness to a child who really needs strength? I wonder, but I'm not worried. I'm too easy going to ever raise a child who frets over mom not being type a.