Today, I arrived home to a sick kiddo. My eyes were weary from my early morning workout, my head tired, and my soul impatient. Still, after a practically stress free weekend filled with lots of fun and a date with, Mike, I should have been cheery.
I didn't really realize how impatient I felt until I sat across from Rose who refused to drink chicken broth. I didn't realize my temper was frayed until she further whined about it for what seemed an eternity.
I was just tired and grumpy as I told her to eat. You'd think that motherly, nurturing instinct would kick in as I stared at her feverish face. Yet, nope. When she finally whined about always puking after drinking that soup I lost my cool.
I yanked the bowl away, threw it in the sink, then threw a package of saltines at her and told her to go upstairs. I also swore like a sailor. Like, sailors were blushing if they heard.
I know, I know... I should have taken a break. I should have kept in mind how icky she probably feels. I should have just kept my mouth shut, just this once.
When I sat back at the table after Rose left, guilt eating away at me, the look on Mike's face read exactly what I already knew. I screwed up. The words "terrible mother" flittered in my brain as I demanded Mike yell at me.
Seriously. The poor man puts up with total madness. He refused to add to the insanity and we are in separate corners now as I attempt to cool my jets.
After I calmed down, I poured more soup and brought it to her room. Then I gave her a bit more with her evening Tylenol. Yet, I still couldn't flip into nurturing mode. I wasn't the ideal, caring mom. I was just the person who recognized she needed some solid food.
Then I think back to her and my day Friday when I didn't work, and she and I had quite a nice day. I was caring. I was patient. And I wonder, at what cost do my parenting skills suffer as a result of working full time?
All can be considered excuses though on my part. I will sleep tonight and try to reset myself to being a caring, compassionate person I know I can be.
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