The big hug

I'll admit, I worry often about my parenting chops. I question whether I have them...especially after the great soup incident of 2014. Never heard of it? That's because I was the blog author who decided to alter reality. Rose might remember it. And she can chuckle as she reads this. 

To summarize, I lost patience with my  literally feverish daughter. I acted in terrible ways. Ways I could envision her biography of me starting with, "my mom was the kind of lady who lost it over sass even when I was feverish." Sigh. 

Then today happens, Rose departs for 10 days back packing. I organized her to meticulous detail. I was honestly excited for the break. Yet, today, standing in that parking lot waiting for her bus, tears kept filing my eyes.

I was genuinely, sincerely, worried about sending her away. As I felt that emotion flood my senses, I gave her a side hug. Unlike normal side hugs, she didn't tense up. Rose genuinely sank into me. We side hugged for a few seconds more than usual as we stared at all the strange faces and the bus.

I teased her the whole time we waited about not getting crushes on the cute counselors. Kept reminding her about handing over her meds and not wasting all her spending money in one shot. I was grateful they let the kids (and parents)  linger until  when the bus was about to depart.

When it was clear she had to board I hugged her, and she hugged me. This time, though, we totally gave into the big and embraced tightly, she sank in, again. That never happens. We usually keep our breasts safe distance apart. This time, though, pubescent awkwardness melted. 

I felt tears again as I pulled away after at least 30 seconds, and I smiled at her, hiding my worry and sadness over seeing her leave for so long.

So there it is...I guess somewhere in me, someplace deep, I have developed a bond. More over, I do have mothering chops, at least a bit, no matter what the 2014 Soup Incident has to say about it.

And here she is, our brave back packer! May she have a glorious time.