Oranges in time out

When we set out to adopt a kid, and we put down our preferences, it never dawned on me to ask for a "type a" kiddo. 

A kid like me who lived to get good grades and please everyone, especially her parents. Who naturally stayed on top of homework, who asked for help when stuck, who kept education her top priority.

Instead, I got what I'm deciding is a type orange kid, because her behaviors are so foreign to me, I can't fathom how to parent her. Then we fight. 

For example, today Rose had a few things to finish for English. Oh, but first, she had a melt down about doing the homework, which forced us to put her in time out. Literally in the corner, like a toddler. See the pic.

After fifteen minutes in solitary, she was all too happy to do her work.  Of course, it took her an hour to do what should have been 30 minutes of work. Not a surprising pace for Rose when she's avoiding things.

Still, I went to check on her and noticed she was stuck. Sitting there staring at her paper baffled and ashamed. She'd been stuck like that for at least 15 minutes, she said.

Keep in mind, I was literally one room over. So was Mike. Yet she didn't seek our help. She had no desire to do so. My little orange just wallowed in frustration alone.

I just don't get it. I am stumped. How do we teach her to seek help without shame? How do we enable her to care about herself enough to be her own advocate? 

This has happened with her repeatedly and no matter how many times she sees that asking for help isn't hard, and that getting help speeds up her work, she repeats this cycle.

So I'll noodle on that for some time since those traits came naturally to me. In the meantime, I will be putting my 14-year-old in solitary time out wayyyyy more often when she's in a mood. 

No muss, no fuss, and after 5 minutes she was willing to do her work!! I made her stay there for 15 minutes, for effect and to give he illusion I am in charge (ha ha ha...she rules this house really).