I debate how much reality to post on this blog for a few reasons. The first is that if I only portray the happy or put a positive spin on the harder days, I might start to believe in that rose colored picture. I also think the ability to laugh about the shitty times, or to make lemonade out of lemons, helps me get through without deluding myself. Yet, lately I haven't been able to find a lot of humor in what our life has turned into. So there have been few blog posts.
OK, in hindsight Mike having to carry Rosie, who was stubbornly clad in her pajamas, to the car and haul her to Home Depot last week on a day off of school could probably be reflected on with a chuckle or two. It's just not the funny story I'd imagined prior to this journey starting. I am definately going through extreme culture shock, and Rosie isn't to blame for that.
The second is I worry about the judgement of others when I feel negative--which I've already encountered with her social worker who responds to my requests for help with books about how to raise hurt children. I also worry that sharing too much is giving people a bit too much access into some personal parts of our lives. As her parents, it is our job to fiercely protect Rosie and her privacy. A blog violates that responibility.
The third is I hate admitting when I am struggling. Yep, you could tie me to a boulder, throw me into the ocean and I'd probably to be too proud to ask for help--preferring to watch people above turn into wavy blobs as I tell myself I really enjoy the challenge of getting the boulder to the top of the surface regardless of the crushing suffocation.
Finally, I worry if I vent too much about the struggles anyone who reads this will fail to see the wonderful person Rosie is. The glimpses we see of who she could be if we can hang in there.
So where to go with this blog? Let it die and hope there are more humorous, light-hearted family stories to revive it later? Or do I go ahead and write about what's really going on, putting a bit of pride and detail aside, focusing instead on the confusion, frustration and joy our lives now entails.
2 comments:
Your doing a wonderful job. Hang in there.
I love how you share this part of being a new parent to an adopted kid, especially one who is a preteen already. Thanks for sharing the experience as I am sure that it isn't always easy but I bet it has it's moments and rewards also!
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