Liar

I am learning that when the tough gets going, parenthood gets filled with small exaggeration. Not lies, per say, but small betrayals of my instinct intended to keep Rose calm in heightened emotional times. Or maybe they are lies and I'm deluding myself?

Here's my distinction. Lies have the goal of deception. Even if a lie is told with the best intent, I don't ever intend to come clean. The lie is a betrayal of fact, for me it is usually intended to spare someone's feelings so being honest later would be counterintuitive. A betrayal of instinct isn't an outright lie but a small denial of the unknown, possibly sad, future.

For example, this week our poor little kitty, Princess, suddenly became very ill and had to be put down. Princess was up all night meowing in pain, she was cold, and her breathing labored. So in the morning as I got Rose ready for school I instinctually knew what the vet would tell me and hubby later. Yet, all I told Rose was she needed to go say hi to Princess since Princess was sick.

I hinted at Princess' age and the possibility of her dying. I didn't say, "Princess is dying. Go say goodbye." I feared the latter would cause too much trauma for Rose. I still wanted Rise to say goodbye and have some awareness of the situation because we couldn't hide Princesses death.

Another example of the instinct minimizer is my surgery to remove Herny. It's scheduled for Monday, and Rose is not happy about it. I asked what she was worried about, and she said she was worried I would die.

Truth be told, I've never had major surgery before and have much the same concern. I am just as scared! I just knew I couldn't say that to her, I have to make her feel secure. So I said I won't die. Then, realizing I couldn't promise that, followed up with even if I did, Dad and grandmas, aunts and uncles would all be here to care for her. Then I joked, but no moms because I wouldn't let Dad marry again. The she joked, but couldn't he marry someone you know, like a friend of yours? That totally cracked us both up.

In both cases I was dancing with a lie, I guess. Although in both cases, I didn't know what the outcome would be. Unlike lies told in dressing rooms to friends who have on a dress that's too small. I know the truth but choose not to tell it. I might just encourage they keep looking and avoid the awkward, that looks bad. It's different. Right?

I think in the face of distressing news I'm becoming good at hiding how I feel for Rose's sake in hopes everything ends happy. I wonder how that skill will translate elsewhere?

I'll take this last bit of cyber space to post a pic of out beloved Princess. We loved our 12 years with her. She was our first pet, and the cat who was able to make hubby a cat fan. We miss her greatly.