It's Almost Official and Pretty Overwhelming

The adoption day has been set for July 19th, and since then Rosie's challenging behaviors have increased 10-fold.

This is normal, they say. She's doing everything she can to see if we'll still keep her no matter what. I think she's also angry a little at the lack of control she has over her life and is taking that out on us.

The past two nights, and now all of today are testaments to this anxiety, culminating in the removal of almost all her toys from her room. Mike and I were reflecting on how we were so excited to get her things and now removing those things seems to be the only way to get to her on these kids of days. It's a horrible feeling.

Her intelligence and ability to push buttons was really something today. She gave me back all the cards we'd given her in the past few months. Then she tore a picture of the three of us on our first meeting in half. Finally, she took a photo album I'd customized for her, took her name and picture out, and put mine in. Oh, and she got my picture by ripping it out of the book we made just for her--the book that was given to her the day before she met us.

She did all this because I told her her discman didn't belong at the kitchen table. Well, sort of.

I won't use this blog as my confessional, but I will admit when she threw the cards I'd picked out for her at me saying she didn't want them, I lost my temper and I tore the cards up. Bad move, mom. As it resulted in her getting even more upset and tearing up the photos, book, etc.  So her giving me the cards back was due to the discman. The destruction of the book, etc., were prompted by me provoking her.

Of course I realize she's 10, I know she's anxious beyond belief, she hasn't had any control over her life and may not really want to be adopted. In fact, I'm certain she'd much rather be with her birth dad. I admire her strength and courage. Yet, I am human, and keeping my emotions in check is never easy.



I'm chalking this up to another instance of things being the complete opposite of what I expected them to be. It isn't Rosie's fault Mike and I had planned and dreamed of this day while she dreads it. So my goal is to not take that little bit of inner defeat out on her.